A reader is struggling with her mother-in-law's constant presence after her father-in-law died a year ago. The mother-in-law lives nearby but shows up unannounced and stays for days, disrupting the family and causing arguments between the reader and her husband.
Supportive but Overwhelmed
The reader and her husband have suggested social groups and grief counselling, but the mother-in-law refuses. The husband's siblings live abroad, so the couple feels solely responsible. The reader has empathy but finds the situation hard to manage.
Coleen's Advice
Coleen explains that grief affects people differently. She suggests the husband gently talk to his mother about how they can help, emphasizing they are not professionals. Coleen recommends reiterating to friends that she is struggling and encouraging them to check in. She also suggests planning future events and possibly having siblings visit or invite her abroad for a change of scenery.
Coleen mentions that her sister Linda took a long time to recover after her husband's death, staying with family and using therapy and The Samaritans. She advises pointing the mother-in-law to bereavement charity Cruse, which can provide support.
Final Thoughts
Coleen notes that being older brings self-knowledge and the ability to focus on what matters. She hopes the mother-in-law will find enjoyment and start living again, but cannot force therapy.
