A 35-year-old woman has finally ended a tumultuous decade-long relationship with a boyfriend whose mood swings left her exhausted and walking on eggshells. She describes a cycle of highs and lows dictated by his temperament: when happy, things were great; when not, he would sulk for days or disappear on a bender. The emotional toll became so severe that she required antidepressants to cope. Despite his attractive, charming, and sociable exterior, she realised that staying meant risking reaching 40 still miserable.
The Struggle of Letting Go
Even after ending the relationship, she admits to missing him intensely, despite knowing he is no good for her. He was never abusive or aggressive, but self-absorbed, selfish, and arrogant. He continues to contact her frequently, and she fears a weak moment could lead her back to him. She asks, "What the hell is wrong with me?"
Coleen's Advice: Nothing Is Wrong
Coleen Nolan reassures her that missing a partner after a decade is normal, but it does not mean he is right for her. She emphasises that emotions cannot be switched off like a tap and that she needs time alone to adjust and heal. Coleen advises her to stop romanticising the past and instead focus on the negative aspects that drove her to leave, including the daily stress of guessing his mood and the need for antidepressants.
"How does it feel not to have that daily stress of never knowing what mood you’ll find him in and how it’s going to impact your day? I bet it feels like a weight has been lifted," Coleen writes. She points out that the great times were insufficient to commit to a lifetime together and that nothing would change if she went back.
Practical Steps Forward
Coleen suggests dialling back contact until she is in a stronger emotional place. She encourages her to keep going, reinforcing that she made the right decision for her sanity. The advice underscores the importance of self-preservation and the reality that a relationship built on unpredictability is not sustainable.
