A 32-year-old man has told advice columnist Coleen Nolan that he has "totally lost confidence" with dating after a bad experience on a dating app, where a woman he thought was amazing turned out to be a "manipulative liar."
Writing to Coleen, the man explained that nearly everything she told him about herself was a lie. He only discovered the truth by chance when a friend of a friend, who had seen him with her, messaged him to say she had "really messed up" someone he knew. He described her as a "total fantasist" and said he felt like an idiot for falling for it.
Friends all settled down
He said he feels "done with dating sites now" but would still love to find a partner. The trouble, he said, is that all his friends are either married or in serious relationships and are never free to go out. When they do go out, it is to an "old man's pub" where the chances of meeting a single woman are "slim at best."
The man added that he is worried he is "giving off desperate vibes" and that it is feeding his insecurity. He believes women have a radar for it and steer clear, and asked for tips on how to make himself "more likeable and fanciable before it's too late."
Coleen's advice
In her reply, Coleen told him he is only 32 and should not throw in the towel just yet, adding that he has time on his side and should take his finger off the panic button.
She shared her own experience of using a dating app, saying she met guys who were nothing like the description in their bios and got disheartened too. However, she noted that she does know people who met their partner online, including one of her bosses who married the guy she met on a dating app and is "blissfully happy." She suggested he could keep going, perhaps on a different app, in the hope that it is unlikely he will meet someone else like his ex.
Coleen also advised him to branch out and do things on his own to meet new people, such as joining a gym, a five-a-side football team or a class where he might meet people in the same situation and keen to socialise.
She revealed that after failing to find a match on Celebs Go Dating, she decided to come off the apps and not actively look for anyone, and then she did meet her partner. She suggested that may be because she was coming across differently, and stressed the importance of knowing you are OK on your own and being happy with yourself, so that when you are out socialising or going on dates, you give out a different vibe.
