A divorce lawyer with over a decade of experience in family law has identified key signs that a relationship is heading for breakdown, including the moment couples stop arguing. Gabriella Pomare says one of the biggest red flags is when partners no longer seek to engage in conflict, as it indicates a lack of care.
Pomare, who has seen many cases of 'silent divorce' or 'quiet quitting', describes this as a state where couples live together but are disconnected—one scrolling on their phone while the other watches Netflix, with no real communication. She notes that many stay together because of children, bills, and mortgages, but argues that children suffer more in a home where parents are not truly together.
She highlights the unequal division of labour as a major strain, particularly the 'mental load' that often falls on mothers. 'When it all falls to mum—and I say mum because it usually is mum—that is when things very much start to break,' she says. Pomare advises couples to regularly check in with each other, asking simple questions like 'How was your day?' to show care and interest.
By the time separation occurs, one partner is often surprised while the other has been planning it for years. Pomare stresses the importance of allowing time to heal and grieve, rather than rushing into legal proceedings. She believes many parents fight over insignificant issues in court when they should focus on what their children actually need.
