For Conrad, 36, and Callum, 35, their relationship of four years has been profoundly enriched by a unique shared activity: attending sex-positive queer parties. These events, which they visit every couple of months, feature a space central to their exploration—the dark room.
The Dark Room: A Space for Judgment-Free Exploration
The dark room is described as an almost pitch-black maze of booths and benches where strangers connect. "It's a judgment-free place where we can live out our fantasies and explore with other people," explains Callum. Within this environment, attraction operates differently, and rejection can be blunt but clear, often involving a gentle push or a verbal "no." This dynamic, they note, underscores the inherent vulnerability of sexual encounters.
Early in their experiences, Conrad felt hurt and left when Callum was invited into an interaction that excluded him. This led to the establishment of their one fundamental rule. "We keep the connection with subtle signals, glances across the room and an unspoken agreement that we won't disappear," Conrad states. This pact allows them to wander and explore individually while maintaining a tangible sense of togetherness.
Building Trust and Connection Beyond Jealousy
The practice has, counterintuitively for some, become a cornerstone of trust for the couple. Callum reflects that it removes the mystique around casual intimacy, making the idea of cheating feel pointless. "We always go home together, which is what matters," he emphasises. Afterwards, they channel the built-up sexual energy into their private time, leading to what they describe as freer, more explorative, and passionate sex at home.
Their relationship began after matching twice on Tinder. Their first date was marked by a simple rain jacket and a famously awkward seduction attempt involving a sweater and a belly. Their third date featured the politely asked question, "May I kiss you?" which Callum found endearing. While undeniable chemistry was present from that first night, they have navigated sexual compatibility, as both have more experience in a similar role, leading to most of their sex being non-penetrative.
Intimacy in the Everyday
Outside of the parties, their daily life is filled with familiar routines. Most mornings involve coffee, Wordle, and Connections in bed, followed by swiping on the app Feeld for fun. They acknowledge their matching sex drives but different rhythms—Callum is a morning person, while Conrad prefers evenings.
Ultimately, Callum's favourite moments are not the sexual adventures but the ordinary ones: orbiting each other in their flat, or Conrad spending time with his family. "I find it hard to imagine my future, but I find it easy to imagine him in it," Callum says, highlighting the deep, secure bond that frames all their explorations. Their shared fear is not of straying, but of forgetting that sex, in all its forms, is a vital way to connect.
