A woman in her 40s has written to advice columnist Coleen Nolan about her 10-year marriage, which she describes as "like friends with (occasional) benefits." She says there is no affection, sex is rare, and her husband's constant rejection is "soul-destroying."
Marriage Feels Like a Prison Sentence
The woman, who has no children, says her husband is "very selfish and cut off" and tenses up or pushes her away when she tries to be affectionate. She feels being together seems pointless and that her husband would rather ignore "the elephant in the room" and carry on, likening the marriage to "some kind of prison sentence to be endured."
She adds that he is bad at communicating, gets irritated and sulks when she tries to talk about their relationship, and that his reactions can go on for days until things slowly return to "normal." She says she is starting to resent him and asks what will change things and how she can get through to him.
Advice: Write a Letter and Suggest Counselling
Coleen Nolan suggests the woman may have had to give up on a long-held dream of having children, which could have left her feeling directionless and wondering how to move forward as a couple. She says the couple may not have faced this disappointment together or talked about their future without kids, which could be another "elephant in the room."
Nolan advises writing a letter to her husband as a way of breaking down the barrier, something she has done in the past. She suggests starting by saying she wants to talk, acknowledging he finds it hard, but stating she can't keep ignoring the problems and can't carry on if they can't discuss it and find ways to make things better.
You Can't Fix Something on Your Own
The columnist concludes that the woman can't fix something on her own and could suggest counselling, but unless her husband is willing to engage, she has a tough choice to make. She ends with "Good luck."
