Despite a wave of Noughties nostalgia, Soho House is now the least cool place to be seen in London, according to an anonymous Substack writer known as Normal London Bloke.
The writer notes that many elements of the early 2000s have returned, including low-rise jeans, Y2K diamanté miniskirts, wired headphones, Abercrombie & Fitch, a Labour government, and sold-out Oasis concerts. However, they argue that Soho House, once a symbol of that era's exclusivity, has lost its appeal.
From A-list exclusivity to anodyne experience
At the turn of the century, the writer claims, Soho House would not have admitted them because they did not work in a creative field. Now, after mass expansion, they say the membership includes recruitment consultants, lawyers, and bankers, making a Substack writer potentially the most interesting person in the room.
The writer describes the clientele as better looking and richer than average, but argues this makes the experience more pointless. After working out where to sit, they say, members may as well be in any bar or restaurant, except they have paid an annual fee of thousands for the privilege.
Disappointing food and a dating pool theory
The writer criticises the food, describing a fish dish as a desiccated, under-seasoned, poorly filleted hunk of gills varnished in a briny formaldehyde butter, and Japanese food that tasted like supermarket sushi from the Uzbek desert. They also criticise the lighting as subfusc, the furnishings as fusty, and the ornaments as faintly proctological.
The writer's theory is that Soho House is an expensive and exclusionary dating experience for those who want to be expensive and exclusionary. Meeting someone in any House worldwide, they say, dispenses with tedious preliminaries about money, as the person flirting with you has also paid a few hundred quid that month to be there.
The writer concludes by admitting they are a hypocrite, having frequented the place often and been a loud, obnoxious, narcissist in their time. They say there is a reason they write anonymously.
