Claire wants her husband Abdeen to stop looking up restaurant menus before they go out to eat, saying it takes the joy out of dining. Abdeen argues that planning ahead is key to maintaining his weight loss. The couple's dispute is the latest in the Guardian's "You be the judge" series, where readers are asked to settle domestic disagreements.
Claire's case: spontaneity improves the experience
Claire, who has been married to Abdeen for seven years, says she loves eating out and prefers not to know what she will order until she arrives. She says Abdeen, who has lost about four stone (25kg) using weight-loss jabs, now studies menus in advance to watch his calories, which often ruins the surprise for her.
“I don’t want to discuss a menu before we arrive at a restaurant. I like not knowing what I’m going to eat until I see another diner beside me order it, or speak to the waiting staff and think: ‘Ooh, that sounds nice,’” she said.
Claire says Abdeen doesn’t look at the menu when they arrive, which makes her feel rushed, and that the habit “cheapens the dining experience” when they are in a nice place. She suggests a compromise: he can look at the menu beforehand, but should not read it out to her or ask what she is ordering.
Abdeen's defence: planning keeps weight off
Abdeen says looking at menus beforehand is part of how he has learned to manage his weight after losing a significant amount with the jabs. He has been off the medication for about a year because he hit his goal and the jabs became too expensive.
“Restaurants can be difficult because you don’t always know how calorific something is. There are lots of hidden fats. If I look at the menu beforehand, I can work out what my options are without feeling under pressure,” he said.
Abdeen says he doesn’t like deciding in the moment because he can make bad choices, and that Claire is free to take her time when they arrive. He says he is not trying to make her choose in advance, and that being spontaneous around food is what caused him to gain weight. “Claire can have her surprise; I just don’t want one myself,” he said.
Reader jury verdict
Guardian readers were split. Suvi, 27, said there is nothing wrong with looking up a menu beforehand, but Abdeen could still open the menu at the restaurant and discuss options with Claire. Matthew, 54, said Claire should be grateful for Abdeen’s strategy, as many people managing their weight avoid restaurants entirely.
Shelly, 49, offered a “reluctant guilty” verdict, saying not reading out the menu beforehand might be the compromise. Josephine, 33, said Claire needs to accommodate Abdeen’s ways, while Sakib, 53, said Claire has to see the bigger picture.
The online poll asks readers whether Abdeen should stop making such a meal of eating out. It closes on Wednesday 21 October at 9am BST. In last week’s case, 16% of readers said Ruth was guilty of not sharing her tent with friend Ava, while 84% said she was not guilty.
