Lindy Ralph, a 57-year-old freelance writer from Melbourne, has a clear message for those who blame victims of scams: "I didn't get scammed because I'm stupid or because I 'didn't learn my lesson'." In a heartfelt account, she reveals how she fell victim to fraud twice in three years, losing thousands of dollars, and explains why this can happen to anyone, especially those with neurodivergent conditions.
From Immunity to Vulnerability
After being scammed out of $1,000 in a Facebook fraud in 2023, Ralph believed she had built immunity to such schemes. However, in a recent incident while off sick from work, she received a fake notification about a $699 laptop order, leading to over $3,000 stolen from her credit card and savings. "I thought that experience made me immune from it ever happening again. It didn't, and I think I know why," she writes, highlighting the psychological tactics used by scammers.
The Mechanics of Manipulation
Ralph describes how the fraudsters operated with precision and speed. Upon calling a number provided in a fake receipt, she was greeted with "Hello, PayPal" and urged to confirm credit card details. She received seemingly official emails and texts with codes, creating a fast-paced, confusing environment. "They crank up the terror, drown out the logical part of your brain and then move fast," she notes, emphasizing that these operators are highly organised in their shady work.
Despite recognising red flags during the phone call—even stating, "No, I'm not doing this, I think you are the scammer"—she was overwhelmed by fear and pressure. "I ignored them because I was scared and overwhelmed and under pressure and alone," she admits. Once the call ended, the realisation hit, and she quickly cancelled her cards and reported the crime to Victoria police.
Neurodivergence and Vulnerability
Ralph, who has been diagnosed with autism-spectrum disorder (ASD) and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), refers to her condition as "AuDHD." She explains that her brain's wiring made the scamming process easier for fraudsters. "My AuDHD brain made that whole process easier for them," she says, pointing out that many vulnerable individuals, including those with neurodivergent traits, are at higher risk.
In the aftermath, she took to TikTok to share her story, receiving mixed responses. While many women thanked her for raising awareness, others mocked her with phrases like "fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me." Ralph counters this victim-blaming by stressing that scams are crimes, not failures of intelligence. "This can happen to anyone, and there are a lot of people more vulnerable than I am who have lost more money than me," she asserts.
A Call for Empathy and Awareness
Ralph concludes by advocating for greater understanding and support for scam victims. "I've decided I'd rather be the idiot who admits she was scammed twice than the genius who sits in the comments section blaming victims," she declares. Her goal is to help others, particularly anxious, exhausted, neurodivergent women, pause before sharing sensitive information. By sharing her experience, she hopes to foster a more compassionate dialogue around personal finance and consumer safety.
