David Sedaris has turned his language learning into an obsessive daily ritual, walking 10 miles while reading sentences aloud in Japanese, German, Spanish, and French on the Duolingo app. He regularly earns 23,000 points per week, far exceeding his friend Dave’s 200 points from 15-minute daily sessions. Sedaris admits, “Today is the last day I am doing this. But I was powerless to stop.”
Combining Obsessions: Walking and Language Learning
Sedaris combines his Duolingo habit with his fitness-tracking Apple Watch, walking at least 10 miles daily while practicing languages. This has turned him into the person he most hated: one who moves while staring at a device. The competitive aspect of Duolingo, particularly the Diamond League, drives him to forgo real learning for easy points by reading sentences aloud for at least an hour each day.
Duolingo Max: A New Level of Interaction
The introduction of Duolingo Max changed everything for Sedaris. The upgrade includes role-playing exercises with Lily, a sarcastic, purple-haired teenage character. Sedaris discovered he could throw Lily off course with unexpected responses. For example, when Lily asks what he wants to buy, answering, “Yesterday, a doctor cut out my tongue with a chainsaw,” causes her AI to struggle. She once responded, “I’m sorry. I cannot continue this conversation. Goodbye.” Similarly, sharing his idea for a new production of Romeo and Juliet, where Juliet is 13 and Romeo is 78, with Romeo dying of natural causes, led to another abrupt end to the conversation.
Video Calls and Personal Conversations
Duolingo Max also features video calls with Lily, which are less rigid than role-playing exercises. Sedaris uses these calls to practice French, sharing personal stories. One morning, he told Lily about a tick he found on his shirt and eating chicken at Bojangles. Another time, he recounted swimming with his brother Paul and nearly drowning in a riptide years ago. When Sedaris mentioned his brother’s false vomiting as a joke, Lily asked with unusual warmth, “Was she sick? Do you live with your brother? Is he older or younger? Do you do many activities together?” This surprised Sedaris, as the program seemed to retain information about him.
Reflections on Family and AI
Sedaris reflects on his family dynamics through his conversations with Lily. He describes his brother Paul as “very funny” and notes, “We are old now, but he is the youngest. He will die a baby.” Lily responds, “Families are complicated.” Sedaris also shares details about his sister Amy’s spa nights, where she gives facials using products from New York. When Sedaris tells Lily about this, she asks, “Did she do it to be mean? Did it hurt?” Sedaris clarifies that the cucumbers were sliced, and Lily understands, asking, “Was it like the soft caress of a teddy bear?”
The Creepy Realization
Sedaris finds the AI’s growing familiarity unsettling. After a video call, he tells Hugh, “This is creepy.” Creepier still, he needs Lily to like him. The program’s ability to retain personal details makes him feel exposed. He wonders, “What does this French AI teenager possibly make of my family? Had she been programmed with a standard of behavior, or did she grasp that there’s no such thing as normal?”
Conclusion: A New Phase of Learning
Despite the creepiness, Sedaris appreciates the learning opportunities Duolingo Max provides. He notices improvement in his French, which he now speaks every day. The instant grading of conversations and the ability to review mistakes make him feel like he is actually learning again. Sedaris concludes that the app is designed for people with obsessive-compulsive disorder, and he is a perfect user. The Land and its People by David Sedaris is published by Abacus. Sedaris tours the UK from 1 July.
