England Rugby Star Ellie Kildunne Reveals Body Dysmorphia Battle During Lockdown
England rugby international Ellie Kildunne has opened up about her personal struggle with body dysmorphia during the coronavirus lockdown period. The 26-year-old full-back, who played a pivotal role in England's World Cup victory last year, described how the isolation and lack of team environment exacerbated her mental health challenges.
World Cup Hero's Hidden Struggle
Despite scoring five tries during England's triumphant World Cup campaign last year, including a spectacular solo effort in the 33-13 final victory over Canada at a packed Allianz Stadium Twickenham, Kildunne was battling significant personal demons behind the scenes. The Harlequins player revealed how the pandemic lockdown created the perfect storm for her disordered eating patterns to intensify.
"I could probably see myself getting a little bit smaller, but then was still trying to chase being smaller on top of that," Kildunne told BBC Sport. "I wasn't in that team environment with physios all the time, or my team-mates."
The Distorted Mirror of Body Dysmorphia
Kildunne explained the confusing nature of body dysmorphia, where her perception of her body became completely disconnected from reality. "Body dysmorphia is such a funny thing, because I would have been small but I would see myself as bigger in the mirror," she confessed. "It seems really stupid now, and I look back on it – I don't know why I did it. But I just ended up having a terrible relationship with food."
The athlete described feeling caught between two worlds: "In the rugby world, I'm considered small, but in my world outside rugby, I was considered big, so I never really had that place where I felt comfortable, that I fit in."
The Breaking Point and Road to Recovery
The turning point came during a chance conversation with England physio Emily Ross, where Kildunne broke down in tears while finally articulating her health issues. "I knew I had a problem but I never wanted to admit it and I think admitting it made it a problem," she reflected. "It wasn't something that I was even trying to stop. But as soon as you say something out loud to somebody that creates accountability."
Kildunne's athletic achievements during this difficult period are particularly remarkable. In 2020, she was part of Great Britain's sevens squad training for the postponed Olympic Games. She was crowned World Player of the Year in 2024 and finished as runner-up to golfer Rory McIlroy for last year's BBC Sports Personality of the Year award.
Continued Vigilance and Current Form
Most recently, Kildunne was among the try-scorers when England defeated Ireland 33-12 in their opening match of the 2026 Guinness Women's Six Nations on Saturday. While she reports significant improvement in her relationship with food, she acknowledges the need for ongoing awareness.
"I wouldn't say I've got a bad relationship with food now," Kildunne stated. "But it's something that you've always got to be conscious of because I know that I've got those habits somewhere. I just need to make sure they don't come up."
Her candid revelation adds to the growing conversation about mental health in professional sports, particularly highlighting how even elite athletes at the peak of their careers can struggle with body image and eating disorders.
