In a ceremony carrying all the suspense of the official ribbon-cutting of a supermarket that has been open to shoppers for three months, journalists dutifully convened at Wembley on Friday to confirm that the England Geopolitics World Cup squad leaked into the public domain on Thursday was definitely the same as the one that was actually picked. Having been exclusively revealed by various hacks, Mr 15%, Harry Maguire and assorted members of his family, the most contentious decisions appear to have been those made by Thomas Tuchel to leave Maguire, Cole Palmer and Phil Foden at home.
I have been left shocked and gutted by the decision, said the Manchester United defender, who had been told he was no higher than fifth in the centre-back pecking order. Absolute disgusted, his mother posted on social media, before one of his brothers also joined the criticism. Of course, for every reserve defender left out, one must be included. The presence of the more versatile Dan Burn and Jarell Quansah in Tuchel's squad were bones of public contention. Elsewhere on the bench, calls for Djed Spence and Ivan Toney prompted meltdowns in certain quarters, as did the ruthless snubs to which the likes of Lewis Hall, Luke Shaw, Trent Alexander-Arnold, Morgan Gibbs-White, Jarrod Bowen and Adam Wharton were subjected.
While each of the excluded players is perfectly entitled to feel frustrated, the fact remains that Tuchel was inevitably going to get no end of criticism no matter which 26 he picked. Luckily, the German has always struck Football Daily as the kind of man who could not care less about what some social media users or pundits think. I am very confident in the group that we chose, said Tuchel. The best possible team is not necessarily the 26 most talented names. We had to leave some extraordinary talents, some extraordinary personalities, at home. If we had picked all these names, some other big names would have been out and we would be talking about them now. It comes with difficult and hard choices in the buildup to the tournament.
What many of those comically losing the plot over Tuchel's selections don't seem to realise is that in a 26-man squad, where several members will get little or no game time, the importance of having a few well-liked, low-maintenance fringe players who have leadership qualities or are simply good company cannot be overstated. While there are no standout candidates for the official role of vibes man in a cloistered and often boring environment for up to seven weeks, it is to be hoped Jordan Henderson has increased his repertoire of card tricks.
As is customary, in a day or two when the dust settles and discourse that has bordered on the hysterical moves on from the snubbed to the selected, critics of Tuchel's recruitment policy might accept that despite the absence of several big-name players, England's squad actually looks pretty decent. As they prepare to embark on another crusade fuelled by entitlement and existential dread, England will do so under the stewardship of a head coach with a commendable reluctance to be dazzled by big reputations. I can assure every fan in the country we have 26 players who are 100% committed and know their role, and are committed to the idea of team spirit and being unselfish, said the German.
Despite having given England fans what they have long been crying out for, Tuchel will be unsurprised to learn that huge numbers of them are more unhappy than ever.
England's GWC squad:
- Goalkeepers: Jordan Pickford (Everton), Dean Henderson (Crystal Palace), James Trafford (Manchester City).
- Defenders: Reece James (Chelsea), Tino Livramento (Newcastle), Marc Guéhi (Manchester City), Ezri Konsa (Aston Villa), John Stones (Manchester City), Jarell Quansah (Bayer Leverkusen), Nico O'Reilly (Manchester City), Dan Burn (Newcastle), Djed Spence (Tottenham Hotspur).
- Midfielders: Declan Rice (Arsenal), Elliot Anderson (Nottingham Forest), Jude Bellingham (Real Madrid), Jordan Henderson (Brentford), Morgan Rogers (Aston Villa), Kobbie Mainoo (Manchester United), Eberechi Eze (Arsenal).
- Forwards: Harry Kane (Bayern Munich), Ivan Toney (Al-Ahli), Ollie Watkins (Aston Villa), Bukayo Saka (Arsenal), Noni Madueke (Arsenal), Marcus Rashford (Barcelona), Anthony Gordon (Newcastle).
