Dawn French has revealed that 'suicide lives in my brain' following her father's death by suicide when she was 19 years old. The actress, widely recognised for her role as the chocolate-loving Reverend Geraldine Granger in the beloved sitcom The Vicar of Dibley, spoke candidly about the lasting impact of her father's passing in a recent interview.
Her father, Denys, an RAF engineer, died by suicide at the age of 45 in September 1977. French, now 68, reflected on how this tragedy has influenced her perspective. 'Suicide lives in my brain in a way it might not for somebody who hasn't experienced it so closely,' she told The Times. 'And as I've got older, I want to talk about the big things. I set out to write something I'm a bit afraid to admit: that getting older is difficult, end of life is difficult, suicide is difficult.'
New Novel Tackles Difficult Themes
French is addressing themes of loss and suicide in her fifth novel, Enough. Set in Cornwall, where she grew up and has lived for the past two decades, the book follows Etta, a woman planning to end her own life. While Etta is the same age as French, the author clarified that the character is not autobiographical. 'I don't want people to think that I'm writing my plan – I'm not,' she stated. However, she acknowledged that writing about suicide has forced her to confront her own thoughts and fears. 'It's helpful to put your face in the s*** and then come up and breathe fresh air afterwards,' she added.
Understanding Suicide and Grief
French reflected on the reasons someone might choose to die by suicide, saying, 'What more selfless act could you make than sacrifice your life so that your children don't have to deal with the crunchy, grim part of it?' She continued, 'As I approach older age I do think about it. I don't think I would ever make this choice, but I can understand why someone would.'
The actress also spoke about the long shadow her father's death has cast on her life and how it shaped the tone of her novel. 'All those stages of grief – from being perplexed to sadness, anger, understanding and forgiveness – I think you have claimed the right, a little bit, to write about this with some… Optimism is the wrong word, but with some positive aspect to it,' she said.
French acknowledged the anger that can accompany such a loss, admitting she once thought, 'You selfish f***er, how dare you do that to us?' But she quickly reconsidered: 'Yes, but my dad wouldn't be that selfish. So let me try and reframe this. Let me think it through further.'
Literary Success and Continued Impact
Enough is French's fourth novel, arriving 16 years after her debut, A Tiny Bit of Marvellous, was published in 2010. Her 2008 memoir, Dear Fatty, was a massive success, selling 800,000 copies and becoming the highest-selling celebrity memoir of that year.
If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, help is available. In the UK and Ireland, contact Samaritans for free at 116 123 or email jo@samaritans.org. In the US, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). For other countries, visit www.befrienders.org to find a helpline near you.
