For decades, Richard Beard blocked out memories of his younger brother Nicky, who drowned at the age of nine. Now 50, Beard has finally pieced together the truth about his sibling after discovering a cache of documents following their father's death.
Beard found a green plastic bag in his father's filing cabinet containing school reports and letters of condolence. The letters painted a picture of a super-achieving boy with 'special gifts', which Beard initially dismissed as exaggeration. However, the school reports revealed a more complex character: Nicky was top of his class in most subjects, a natural cricketer, but also 'somewhat arrogant' and a terrible loser.
The discovery sparked feelings of resentment in Beard, who had forgotten the rivalry they shared. 'I realised, or remembered, that on the far side of the wall we had been rivals,' he wrote. Nicky's reports noted he 'must learn to accept defeat more graciously' and described him as a 'stubborn little bastard'.
Beard's search for the truth about his brother began after their father died, when he gained access to three locked filing cabinets. He had hoped to find a secret shrine, but instead found paperwork that forced him to confront the past. The final piece of evidence was a certified copy of an entry of death, which he set aside initially.
'The forgotten truth struck me like a revelation,' Beard said. The reports showed that Nicky was first in every subject except maths, and his competitive spirit was both a strength and a flaw. Beard now understands the brother he lost, nearly 40 years after the tragedy.
