A 40-year-old father of two from Victoria has expressed his frustration after potential partners accused him of being a 'red flag' for maintaining a healthy co-parenting relationship with his ex-wife. Following the end of his 14-year marriage, he recently re-entered the dating scene and found his co-parenting arrangement to be a major point of contention.
A Positive Relationship Viewed Negatively
'We've got two kids together, and honestly, my ex and I have a good, respectful co-parenting relationship because that's what's best for the kids,' he shared on Reddit. 'But apparently that's a red flag now?' The newly single dad explained that his co-parenting situation has become a recurring topic during dates, often for the wrong reasons. 'It feels like if the ex isn't completely out of the picture, people assume something must be wrong,' he said. He recounted experiences of being told he was 'too nice,' having dates no-show, being stood up, and feeling interrogated instead of getting to know someone.
Seeking Genuine Connection
The man clarified that he isn't 'chasing perfection' but simply wants to find a nice woman to spend his life with. 'I just want to meet a good woman who wants something real - someone to build a life with, travel and maybe grow old somewhere in the country, enjoy the simple things, and actually have each other's backs,' he wrote. Instead, he finds the process 'exhausting and transactional.' He questioned whether this is the reality of modern dating and if there are still down-to-earth people looking for the same thing.
Mixed Reactions Online
His post garnered over 280 comments, with many users pointing out that a man with a good relationship with his children's mother is a 'green flag.' One commenter advised, 'Ignore women that behave as though having a respectful and mature co-parenting relationship is a bad thing. That is a huge green flag.' Another added, 'I'd actually find this a green flag. If they're too involved in ways that would exclude or humiliate me then I'd be upset. But I would happily date men who are good co-parents.'
However, not everyone agreed. One user stated, 'An ex-wife and kids are emotional and financial baggage, regardless of whether the dad is a good guy or not.' Another bluntly said, 'You're not a catch - you have kids and financial responsibilities to them.'
The Dating Scene in Your 40s
Many singles resonated with the dad's experience, confirming that dating in one's 40s is challenging. One user shared, 'About the same age as you. Dating in your 40s is rough mate,' adding that he gave up on dating apps. Another woman in her 50s revealed she has given up, saying, 'All I get is losers looking for a Band-Aid.' Despite the difficulties, many encouraged the dad to persevere, with one commenter advising, 'You're a green flag my man, she'll come along. In the meantime golf and gym though.'
