What truly separates women who achieve remarkable success from those who spend years wondering why it eludes them? According to world-renowned therapist Marisa Peer, it is not luck, talent, or even hard work alone. Instead, it comes down to eight specific habits that anyone can cultivate.
Marisa Peer has spent over four decades working with Olympic athletes, A-list celebrities, royalty, and top CEOs, discovering what sets them apart. In her new book Your Mind, Your Rules, published by Steven Bartlett's FlightStory Books in partnership with Penguin, she reveals these habits that anyone can use 'to get the life they actually want.'
Peer, the founder of Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT)—which combines hypnotherapy, psychotherapy, Neuro-Linguistic Programming, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, and neuroscience—said: 'Most books about success are written for business. But these habits work for everything—your relationship, your health, your finances. Having it all isn't a fantasy. It is a skill set.'
'I have a great marriage, a beautiful relationship with my daughter and grandchild, and a business I love. And I apply these habits every single day. That is not a coincidence,' she added. 'You can have it all, and it starts with knowing you are worth it.'
1. Do What You Dislike on Your Way to Success
Everyone who has succeeded has had to do something they dislike. Almost anything you wish to say yes to will require you to say no to something. For instance, if you want a six-pack, you must say yes to intense physical training while saying no to carbs, alcohol, and junk food. Similarly, to become a well-known chef, you must say yes to working long, anti-social hours on a basic salary, while saying no to office hours. Even after opening your own restaurant, you still have to perform tasks you dislike to achieve your ultimate goal.
2. Do What You Dislike First
When you delay doing something unpleasant, it hangs over you all day and often gets rescheduled. If you have to make a difficult call, talk to your bank, have a challenging conversation with a coworker, or complete a tough task, get into the habit of doing it first. Once it's done, you will feel like a winner all day and become far more productive.
3. Act Every Day in the Direction of Your Goals
Acting daily toward your goals may sound arduous, but it is not. It is based on the principle that while moving toward success, doing just one thing every day makes you feel like a winner on the right track. On your day off, do one thing—watch a YouTube tutorial related to your business, send a few emails, or make a call you have been delaying. One of Peer's clients, a professional athlete, read that Michael Jordan trained on Christmas Day, so he decided to train twice on Christmas Day to claim his place in the success club.
4. Bounce Back—See Every No as a Not Yet
Most successful people have encountered huge rejection along the way, but they decided to bounce back like a big rubber ball. They choose to hear a denial as a delay instead of outright rejection. They tell themselves, 'My product isn't quite right for you. It needs a little work, or a different distributor or agent'—and they keep going.
5. Delay Gratification
Humans are wired to work and then take rewards. Today, some people get rewards for doing no work, but that is not motivating. To succeed, you must learn to delay gratification and schedule everyday things as rewards. For example, after making a difficult call, Peer makes a delicious coffee or schedules a chat with a friend. Before enjoying lunch or dinner, she completes a task she has been delaying. The ability to delay gratification is a skill that can be learned and developed through experience and environmental factors.
6. Tell People You're Good
A major block to success is believing you are not enough—not deserving, not talented, not qualified. Imposter syndrome, self-sabotage, and procrastination stem from feeling of not-enough-ness. You must overcome reluctance to tell people what you are good at. We prefer the doctor, teacher, or pilot who says, 'I'm the best; you are in good hands with me.' That is deeply reassuring, not bragging. Bragging is the opposite of quiet reassurance that comes from knowing you are good at your skill.
7. Grow Your Praise Muscle
Many people work for themselves or remotely, without a boss to notice their skills and offer praise. We must do it ourselves. Tell yourself things like: 'You did a great job, you handled your client so well. You were on fire today. The words coming out of your mouth were perfect.' Imagine you have a praise muscle; if unused, it withers away. Get comfortable praising yourself. If that feels unfamiliar, think of words you would like a great boss to say, then say them out loud to yourself—your mind cannot tell the difference between you saying it and your boss saying it.
8. Become Highly Self-Motivated
Successful people learn not to depend on others for motivation; they motivate themselves. Waiting to be motivated before starting a task is a mistake, as motivation appears only after action. Peer often does not feel motivated to go to the gym, tidy up, or write, but she makes herself start, and soon motivation shows up. She tells herself, 'I'll just exercise for fifteen minutes,' or 'I will only spend fifteen minutes on my manuscript.' Once started, she finds the motivation to keep going. Motivation often appears after you act, so take the first step by becoming self-motivated, and then discipline, application, and execution kick in.
Your Mind, Your Rules by Marisa Peer is published by FlightStory in partnership with Penguin, priced £20. Available now at www.marisapeer.com.
