Taylor Swift's music video for Patient Zero, premiered at the VMAs on Sunday, has sparked a debate: should you warn your ex's new partner about their toxic behaviour? The star-studded production features Dakota Johnson, Colin Farrell and Cara Delevingne, and follows Johnson's character as she struggles in a relationship with a man who seems perfect on the surface but is in fact very toxic. Taylor plays the ex-wife and attempts to warn Johnson's character to run.
What the Therapists Say
Since the premiere, many people who have experienced unhealthy relationship dynamics have shared how the video resonated with them. In the lyrics, Taylor says she wouldn't tell 'someone else what to do' but accepts a call from an ex's new partner and offers support. 'If you're sick of him, I got you, I was patient zero,' she sings.
BACP senior accredited psychotherapist Debbie Keenan says it's a 'really complicated issue' and that people should start by considering their intent before saying anything. She notes that even with the best of intentions, the warning might be taken the wrong way, and you could be seen as 'vindictive and jealous'.
The Dangers of Telling
BACP accredited sex and relationship therapist Cate Cambell refers to this as the 'dangers of telling' and urges people to prepare thoroughly for the possibility of not being believed. 'Usually, the ex has created a story of them as mad, toxic, and abusive, so the new person can be quite rejecting and it can cause a bit of psychological damage,' she warns. 'It's even worse if the ex then hears about this and gets involved.'
Baljit Kamal, a BACP-accredited psychotherapist and counsellor, also cautions against giving unsolicited advice. 'People can change or at least behave differently with different partners,' she tells Metro. 'Jumping in uninvited could be seen as intruding, and if the new partner isn't ready to hear it, your warning might fall uninvited.'
Safety Concerns and Clare's Law
If there's a genuine concern for the new partner's safety, Debbie Keenan recommends sharing factual information with them, or signposting them to Clare's Law. Clare's Law is a UK scheme that allows the police to release information about a previous history of abuse or violence a person might have. 'The police assess whether information can be lawfully disclosed,' Debbie explains.
