A 31-year-old mother of a two-year-old daughter is questioning her decision to end her long-term relationship, after her ex-partner has shown a more caring and reliable side since moving out.
The woman, writing to advice columnist Coleen Nolan, explained that she split from her partner a few weeks ago after months of arguments and a breakdown in communication. She felt he was selfish, noting that while he worked long hours, he still made time for friends and his mother, which caused frequent conflict.
A Change Since the Separation
Since he moved into a friend's spare room, the woman says he has been much nicer, and they have had "decent and helpful conversations." He has also kept his word regarding arrangements for seeing their daughter.
She now finds herself remembering why she fell in love with him and worries she has made a huge mistake. Unsure whether he feels the same, she asked Coleen for advice on whether it is realistic to think he would be different if they reunited.
Advice: Take It Slowly
Coleen responded that it could be different if he now appreciates what he almost lost, and if both are committed to working on the issues that caused the split. She advised the woman not to rush back into the relationship.
"My advice would be don't rush it," Coleen wrote. "Keep having these conversations, take it slowly and see how things go for a while." She also warned her to manage expectations, as he might see them as better off as friends, in which case they could still be good parents together.
Signs of Hope
Coleen noted there are signs of hope for reconciliation, as he is becoming the partner and father the woman wanted, and appears to be trying to prove he can be that person. The key question, she said, is whether he can maintain it.
If he does move back in, Coleen advised setting boundaries, communicating without arguing, and making an effort to rediscover themselves as a couple. She also suggested practising gratitude by jotting down things to be grateful for at the end of each day.
