A mother of two has written to advice columnist Coleen Nolan after an unplanned pregnancy left her and her husband divided over whether to continue with the pregnancy. The woman, who is not working and says the family is "worse off financially than we've ever been", became pregnant after a night of drinking during which she and her husband were "careless during sex".
Initially, she suggested a termination because it was "still very early days", but her husband was unsure and wanted time to think. He has since decided it would be "mad to have another child" given they are "barely coping", while she has grown attached to the pregnancy and wants to have the baby.
A painful and overwhelming decision
The reader describes the situation as "a big mess" and says her husband will support her whatever she decides, but it feels like "a huge responsibility". She adds that they are "both exhausted and overwhelmed a lot of the time", so another child will add to that pressure, yet she is "emotionally attached" and does not think she can bring herself to "go down the abortion route".
In her response, Coleen says the reader has likely already made the decision in her heart to keep the baby, even though it feels daunting. She acknowledges that raising children is hard and that financial stress can make it feel overwhelming, but argues that "the practical stuff can be worked out and overcome with time and careful planning", while "the grief of ending the pregnancy could stay with you forever".
Advice to talk and seek support
Coleen advises the reader to sit down with her husband and write down all their fears and potential challenges, and to talk about how they could work them out. She suggests they may just need reassurance from each other that they can do it together.
She also recommends getting input from the GP and/or a counsellor, and making the decision soon as it is weighing on the reader. If she decides to continue with the pregnancy, Coleen advises focusing fully on planning for the baby's arrival and allowing herself to start getting excited about it.
