A woman in her early 30s has told an advice columnist that her three-year relationship has lost its spark since she and her partner moved in together a year ago. She describes the relationship as dull and predictable, with sex becoming less frequent and feeling like a special occasion.
Writing to Coleen Nolan, the reader explains that she and her partner used to enjoy dinners, drinks, the cinema and trips together, but now they come home after work, have dinner, watch television and go to bed. She says it feels like they are an old married couple who have been together for decades rather than three years, despite the strong sexual chemistry and fun they shared when they first met.
Reader asks how to break the cycle
The woman says she knows things need to change for the relationship to survive, but she finds it hard to start a conversation acknowledging the problem. She stresses that they love each other, but admits that love alone is not enough. She adds that she needs things to look forward to and more joy in her life, asking for help to escape the apathy.
Advice to start talking and take action
In response, Coleen says the only way to move forward is to have that discussion, advising the reader not to overthink it and to start with the positives before mentioning the need to avoid slipping into a not-making-an-effort mode now that they live together. She points out that taking each other for granted is easy when you love and trust someone, but relationships at all stages take work.
Coleen suggests talking about the early days of dating and how they felt then, then acting on it. She advises making time for each other and planning activities together, which should help intimacy and sexual chemistry flourish. She also encourages the reader to initiate romance, whether by booking a dinner, planning a night away or sending a flirty text, rather than waiting for her partner to act.
Looking ahead to the future
Coleen also suggests it may be time to talk about the future, asking where they see themselves in two or five years and what their hopes and dreams are. She encourages the reader to get excited about the possibilities and reminds her that she does not have to come home every night and sit in front of the television, saying the narrative can be changed. In a final note, Coleen says it is important to try as many things as possible in life, as none of it is a waste of time because it all leads to finding what you truly love.
