Side hustle guilt
A sex-starved cougar pays me for sex. I rock up at her place a couple of times a week for food, booze and passion. She feeds me well; we bonk at least twice and then she hands me at least £200 in cash.
The problem is that I have mixed feelings about this arrangement. On the one hand I love her money, but then I feel guilty and resent her for bringing me down to this level. I never imagined, when I left school, that I’d end up as a smutty sex worker. I had ambitions. I always wanted to be pop star yet, here I am, serving an old broad for pennies. Not good.
She’s a beautiful but lonely woman. She loves sex with me because I pay her attention and make her feel good. As she’s paying, she feels she can tell me what to do. I make love to her and tell her that she’s sexy and gorgeous. I’ve always been a good liar, so pretending that she’s my dream woman comes easy.
In this world everything has its price; so, the more I indulge her with massages, oral sex and mind-blowing orgasms the more she coughs up. She also treats me to watches, clothes and aftershaves too. I only have to tell her what I like and she orders it in.
However, my full-time girlfriend knows nothing of my secret life. She thinks I go to visit my sick uncle. She loves and trusts me but there’s no way my regular job (in a call centre) could pay for the meals and treats she expects – hence my sleazy side hustle.
My life is a nightmare, but I don’t know how to get out of it as I rely on the cash my cougar pays me. I don’t like being a liar and a cheat, but I’m so dependent on this easy money that I’m stuck.
Jane says: Stop the deception
JANE SAYS: You can’t possibly keep up this level of cheating and deception forever. Either you’ll snap or someone will grass you up. On the one hand you have your trusting, older lover who relies on you for company and sex.
She’s lonely and frustrated and looking for love. You’ve entered into her life and made her smile again. You’ve sorted out her sexual needs and she’s grateful and smitten. But the reality is that you’re already spoken for with another, trusting woman at home.
She’s your long-term partner who believes in you. She assumes that she’s living with a good man who is decent and true, but your whole life is built on sand.
One minute you feel cocky and brave, the next you’re terrified and feel disgusted with yourself. Do yourself a favour and stop right there. Go and see your cougar/client for the last time and tell her that you’re very sorry, but you’re moving on. Explain that things have gone too far. Apologise for any hurt you’ve caused. Then, talk to your partner and tell her the absolute truth. Only when you’ve cleared the air and come clean and changed your ways will you be able to sleep soundly at night.
I’m not pretending that any of this is going to be easy, but it’s got to be done before you self-destruct. There is always a way out – you must do the right thing and find it.
Easily led partner
My partner thinks it’s funny to put off-colour posts and rude jokes on our various WhatsApp group and social media. Nothing is too off colour or taboo. He’s got mates and colleagues who encourage him to be as outrageous as possible.
I’m terrified that his rotten taste reflects badly on me. We share a lot of friends (including a couple of my bosses and my family) and I don’t want anyone to think that I’m as crass as he is. I love him, but sometimes he really does go over the top. How do I rein him in?
Jane says: Not your keeper
JANE SAYS: You are not your partner’s keeper. If he wants to make an ass of himself in public, then tell him how you feel. Point out that his so-called friends are winding him up and leave him in no doubt that you don’t approve.
Invoke the old: “If your mates encouraged you to jump off a cliff, then would you do that too?” Remind him that it’s not his job to entertain everyone else. He’s got to think about his job, his reputation and propriety too.
Presumably your pals know your true personality and realise that you’re not joined at the hip to your partner. But if his comments really do upset you – and he’s not prepared to tone them down – then take yourself off these social media sites altogether.
Lessons in love
Everything about my partner of six months is fine, except the way he treats me in bed. I suspect he watches too much porn. A few times he’s attempted to order me around and call me offensive names. When I’ve protested he’s huffed and muttered that he thought woman “liked that” i.e. being treated mean. Why on earth would I enjoy being pushed this way and that and insulted? Whatever happened to love, passion and respect? He doesn’t seem able to separate real life from what he views on screen, which deeply concerns me.
Jane says: Give him a lesson
JANE SAYS: If you’re inclined to give this man a chance, then talk to him away from the bedroom and tell him that porn sex and loving sex are two very different things. Explain how a woman needs to be treated and give him a (verbal) lesson in love. Be firm and make it clear that you are not an object to be tossed around and insulted.
Does he get that? Can he take instruction in order for you both to reset and start again? Sadly, if he really can’t see where he’s going wrong, and adapt, then you’ll have to move on before he starts to destroy your confidence.
Picky habits
My boyfriend won’t allow my family to stay at our house. Admittedly the last time they were here, at Christmas, they were a nightmare. But I can hardly expect my folks to fork out for a hotel, can I? They’re keen to visit on the August Bank Holiday. He says he can’t stand their picky habits and rude comments. How do I get him to soften up?
Jane says: Compromise needed
JANE SAYS: Your guy is entitled to his opinion and allowed to say who stays in his home. Can your family be spoken to regarding their behaviour? What did they do to annoy you at Christmas? What are their other options? A compromise clearly needs to be found. Remember what they say about guests and fish: They both start to stink after three days…
