Husband's Drunken Confession
A woman writes that her husband recently got horribly drunk at a stag do, stumbled in at 3am stinking of booze. When challenged, he blurted out: "Shut your mouth. I've never loved you." He has now booked into a cheap motel and insists their marriage is dead because he has been living a lie. He claims he only married her because his family pressured him to settle down with someone 'boring'. He knew she was lonely after being jilted by her childhood sweetheart. He now says their whirlwind romance and quick wedding were to please his elderly parents and inherit their house and wealth. His refusal to have children was not to keep her to himself but because he is obsessed with busty young women. She is in her mid-30s and apparently repels him. With his relatives dead, he wants a pumped up, slutty girlfriend and her out of his life. She is devastated and has received a letter from his solicitor pushing for a divorce. She asks how she will ever trust again.
Jane says: "Stop beating yourself up. Clearly your estranged husband had a long-term game plan. He was prepared to please his family by marrying you. They wanted someone proper and respectable and you fitted the bill. Now the last of his relatives had died and he's free to go his own way. He is one very devious and calculating individual. How could you possibly have known what was in his head and his heart? You may have married him, but you're not a mind reader. What you must accept now is that you were duped by a very determined, single-minded creep. All he really cared about was securing his inheritance by playing a game. Don't allow him to rubbish you or put you down by implying that you were merely his prop, because you know that you're worth more than that. Use your anger in a good way. Turn your energy around. Tell his solicitor that you're more than happy to facilitate a quickie divorce but you're going to fight for every single penny you're entitled to. Then make a wish list of all the things that YOU'D like to achieve and go for it. Be honest with family and friends; tell them that he is not the man you thought he was. Learn from this and take that wisdom with you into your future relationships. What you can't do is allow him to drag you down and doubt yourself just because he wasn't honest or brave enough to tell his folks the truth about himself."
Called by the Wrong Name
A woman says her new partner frequently calls her by his ex-wife's name in bed, especially at orgasm. She finds it deeply insulting, and he does not realise half the time. She wrote her name in lipstick across her boobs as a joke, but he did not appreciate it and accused her of insulting him. Three nights later, she took him to meet her oldest friends, and he got her name wrong three times. Her best friend was furious and they had words. He insists he means no offense and is sorry, but old habits die hard. She asks how much more of a chance she should give him.
Jane says: "Calling you by the right name is pretty fundamental. I know that we all trip up from time-to-time, but if your partner keeps doing this then that doesn't say much about his commitment to you. It suggests that his ex is always on his mind rather than you. Is he over her? I think not. Don't cling onto him because he's currently the only guy around because I strongly suspect you could do a whole lot better for yourself. Don't ever settle for second best."
Betrayal by a Friend
A woman had a big fling with her ex-boss last year, which ended badly when she caught him in bed with another woman and he sacked her. She fought for a financial settlement. Now a close friend who still works at the old firm has announced she is having an affair with him. The friend knows how much he hurt her. The woman cannot get over the deception. She has a new job and new boyfriend but feels let down. She asks if friendship counts for something.
Jane says: "Leave your friend to do what she likes while you get on with the rest of your life. If she hasn't learnt from your mistakes, then that's her problem. There's no denying that your ex-boss hurt and humiliated you but he's nothing to you now. Your best form of 'revenge' is success. Count your blessings. You have a new partner, and your life has moved on. Crack ahead with your new job, work hard and park the past. Use your energy to build a better future for yourself. Face it, I can't imagine that your horny ex-boss spends too much time thinking or worrying about you…"
Outbursts and Smashing Things
A woman says her partner loses it and erupts every so often. He shouts, insults her, and smashes stuff. The next day he begs for forgiveness and swears he will never frighten her again. But after a bad day at work or someone annoys him, he flips out again. She asks how to change him.
Jane says: "It sounds to me as if this man needs professional, medical help via his GP. Suggest he seeks it. As for you, you cannot stay under the same roof as him because he is unstable and disrespectful. Think of your safety and your self-respect. You cannot change or save him. If he has issues, then HE needs to work on them. Get yourself to a safe space and stay there – away from him."
