While many teenagers were experiencing their first crushes and romantic entanglements, Lauren Harkins felt distinctly uninterested in the world of dating during her youth. Observing her friends navigate breakups and relationship dramas throughout high school only solidified her resolve: she wanted no part in the complexities of love.
A Deliberate Decision from a Young Age
Harkins' perspective on romance remained steadfast through her twenties and thirties. Now, at 35 years old, she proudly states she has never been on a date, shared a kiss, or engaged in sexual activity. Describing herself as a 'late bloomer,' she harbors no regrets about her conscious decision to refrain from intimacy, even as she confronts significant criticism online.
'I never felt embarrassed or left behind when my friends began exploring love. If anything, I felt confident in my choice to abstain from dating,' the Portland, Maine resident explained in a recent conversation with the Daily Mail.
Rooted in Self-Discovery, Not Lack of Opportunity
She clarified that her choice stemmed from feeling 'uninterested in the pressure or expectations that often accompany young relationships.'
'It wasn’t due to a lack of opportunity,' she affirmed. 'I simply had a strong sense that it wasn’t my season yet. I wanted to focus on building myself, understanding my values, and creating a life that felt aligned before inviting someone else into it.'
Witnessing her friends endure difficult breakups only 'reinforced' her stance. 'I could see how emotionally consuming relationships could be, and I knew I was still in a phase of self-discovery,' she continued. 'I didn’t want to rush into these kinds of attachments before I understood myself and my direction more clearly.'
Facing Backlash and Challenging Stereotypes
Harkins' unconventional position has attracted considerable online vitriol, with detractors labeling her as 'expired' or 'narcissistic.' However, she remains unperturbed by the negativity.
'People are free to feel however they want—it doesn’t affect me or where I’m headed,' she told the Daily Mail. 'I make a conscious effort not to take online negativity personally. It can be tempting, but I don’t believe in punching down.'
She noted that many accuse her of lying about her virginity due to her confidence, or claim she doesn't 'seem like a virgin'—a notion she finds absurd.
'To me, this simply reflects how narrow and outdated many of our assumptions still are—and I’m more than happy to challenge those stereotypes,' she asserted.
Open to Love, But on Her Own Terms
Despite her late start, Harkins is now 'open to love' and firmly believes she will find it. However, she maintains no interest in 'casual' sex and doubts she ever will.
'I don’t approach sex or intimacy casually because I think it carries emotional and energetic weight,' she elaborated. 'Who you connect with matters, and I’ve always been intentional about protecting that part of myself.'
'I’m not chasing love or looking to rush into anything. I want to meet someone from a place of stability and true alignment. I feel confident that I’ll find love in the coming years, and I trust myself to recognize it when it’s right.'
A Message of Empowerment and Individuality
Amid the criticism, Harkins has received an 'overwhelming' amount of positive feedback from individuals who say her story has 'helped them feel less alone.'
'I hope people take comfort in knowing there’s nothing wrong with moving at your own pace,' she expressed. 'We’re not all meant to follow the same path, and no one knows you better than you know yourself. Honor that. And don’t be afraid to stand alone while you get to where you’re going.'
Looking ahead, Harkins has 'no regrets' and is enthusiastic about the future.
'I’ve held the line on my standards, values, and integrity, and that’s something I will continue to carry forward for the rest of my life,' she concluded. 'I move if and when it feels right, not out of pressure or expectation, and I trust that what is meant for me won’t pass me by. I genuinely love my life, and I love the person I am.'
