Tracy Crisp fell in love with Adrian because he made her laugh, was smart and looked good in footy shorts. But what she loved most was the lack of pretence between them. Adrian has always been 'what you see is what you get', and he takes everyone at face value. Crisp never had to second-guess who he wanted her to be; she always felt he loved her for who she was.
In her 30s, Crisp experienced a series of challenging events: complicated births, a baby's surgery, secondary infertility, cancer, death and dementia in her family. Then, shortly after settling her grandfather into aged care and speaking at her father's funeral, Adrian announced he had been offered a job in Abu Dhabi. The couple had always talked about living overseas, so in 2009 they moved to the desert city, a 12-hour flight from home.
The first year in Abu Dhabi was marked by panic attacks and insomnia. One evening, while putting their young children to bed, Crisp began crying uncontrollably. She asked Adrian if this was who she was now. He reassured her, saying he had known her a long time and that this wouldn't last forever. 'It's OK,' he said. He didn't diminish her current truth, but she believed in the future he could see.
In 2016, the couple decided Crisp would move home with the children while Adrian remained in Abu Dhabi until he found a job in Australia. This separation lasted nearly two years and was profoundly challenging, but it enriched their relationship. Crisp regained a sense of autonomy, and they never took each other's presence for granted.
Crisp's creative practice as a writer and performer has few objective measures of success, but she loves that it brings unexpected opportunities to work together. Adrian builds sets, works front-of-house and brings lunch to tech runs. He offers endless emotional reassurance and is the good-natured straight guy for many jokes. Crisp has big plans for their 60s: when Adrian retires, they will tour her shows around regional Australia.
On a recent holiday, Crisp dubbed Adrian an 'Influencer Husband' and asked him to take photos of her and say 'Looking good, babe.' Several people commented on the ring she was wearing – the simple silver ring Adrian gave her when she turned 40. She doesn't wear her wedding ring, but she has worn that ring every day since he gave it to her when they were living far from home and she was at her messiest and darkest.
