Hannah Murray, known for her role as Gilly in Game of Thrones, has revealed details of a psychotic breakdown in an extract from her upcoming memoir, The Make-Believe: A Memoir of Magic and Madness.
A Descent into Psychosis
The actress recounts being sectioned under the Mental Health Act after believing she was a magician and the saviour of the planet. She describes a hospital room where a man in NHS uniform brought her toast and tea, but she mistook him for a magician named Steve. She urinated into the cup and drank it, believing it was a powerful ritual.
Beliefs and Delusions
Murray writes: 'I am a Ritual Master. And this, drinking my own urine, is a powerful ritual. This is all I need now to survive. It is the most potent of potions I can drink. I am a self-contained, utterly self-sufficient being. I will never need to eat again. I survive on liquids and air and light.'
She recalls exploring the hospital corridors, delivering a monologue, and believing she had superhuman strength and could fly. She thought she was the 'girl with all the gifts' from the film of the same name, and that she had averted the apocalypse.
Phone Call with Her Mother
During her psychosis, a hospital worker gave her a phone to speak to her mother. Murray initially hung up, viewing it as a test, but eventually answered. She told her mother she was fine, but thought it would be the last time she heard her voice.
Sectioning and Lack of Concern
When told she was being sectioned under Section 2 of the Mental Health Act for 28 days, Murray was not concerned. She was focused on the energy she felt and the voices in her head. She believed she was the Ur-actress, animating every performance ever given.
Reflections on Her Journey
Murray writes that the journey to this point was hard, taking 27 years, with twists, setbacks, and pain. She believes everyone must make their own unique journey. She saw her role in Game of Thrones as hidden in plain sight, and her work on the film Detroit as part of her destiny.
The extract ends with Murray stating she is the saviour of the planet and the girl with all the gifts.
