Can Film Therapy Strengthen Your Relationship? A Personal Experiment
As the Oscars captivate audiences worldwide, movies are at the forefront of our minds. This timing presents an ideal opportunity to delve into a novel therapeutic approach: film therapy for couples. Advocates suggest that watching the right films together can enhance intimacy and communication. Radhika Sanghani embarked on a personal journey to test this method, seeking to uncover whether it truly works.
The Basics of Film Therapy
Film therapy, also known as cinema therapy or cinematherapy, is a relatively new therapeutic innovation. It involves a therapist prescribing a film that resonates with an individual's or couple's specific challenges. Participants watch the movie mindfully, either alone or with a partner, and then reflect on the emotions it evokes. This reflection can be discussed with a therapist or shared between partners.
Jenny Hamilton, a film therapist and lecturer at the University of Lincoln, describes film therapy as a gentle method for tuning into and processing feelings. She traces its roots to art therapy traditions dating back to Aristotle, who believed Greek tragedies facilitated emotional catharsis. Hamilton explains, "Film therapy enables you to think about issues differently and maybe change the story for yourself around an issue or concern, through watching the characters go on their own journey." She adds that movies can serve as effective talking points for couples, allowing them to relate to characters rather than directly discussing themselves.
Scientific Backing and Personal Motivation
A groundbreaking study from the University of Rochester explored film therapy for couples, finding that those who watched and discussed movies like Steel Magnolias and Love Story were less likely to divorce or separate compared to couples who did not. This research offers promising evidence for the approach.
For Sanghani, this potential solution arrived at a crucial time. She and her partner were navigating the challenges of living together for the first time, experiencing typical cohabitation issues such as differing needs for planning and alone time. While not a disaster, these tensions prompted them to try film therapy as a way to strengthen their bond.
Prescribing the Right Film
Sanghani booked a session with Hamilton, detailing her and her partner's anxious-avoidant dynamic—where he withdraws under stress, and she becomes anxious. Hamilton listened empathetically before shifting the conversation to films. After discussing their movie preferences, Hamilton suggested several films addressing the anxious-avoidant dynamic, including the comedy Couples Retreat, the cult classic Before Sunset, and the Meryl Streep movie Hope Springs.
Sanghani and her partner agreed on Hope Springs, a film featuring Streep and Tommy Lee Jones as a couple undergoing intensive therapy with Steve Carell as their counselor. Hamilton provided guidance: watch mindfully, notice personal identifications, create space for discussion afterward, and ensure both feel grounded and safe before starting.
The Mindful Viewing Experience
Initially skeptical of the pre-film check-in, Sanghani and her partner discovered its value when they realized neither felt great on their first attempt—she was tired with PMS, and he was grumpy with a cold. They postponed to the following night, when a check-in revealed they were happy, relaxed, and ready to engage.
Watching Hope Springs, they noted differences from the on-screen couple, who were distant after decades of marriage. However, they became invested in the characters' therapeutic journey, both crying at different moments and cringing during intimate scenes. For the full 100 minutes, they remained phone-free and snack-pause-free, adhering to Hamilton's mindful viewing advice.
Post-Film Reflection and Unexpected Outcomes
After the movie, they used Hamilton's guide questions to reflect on moments of identification, lingering emotions, and potential takeaways for their relationship. Both appreciated the film's message about setbacks being part of a couple's journey and the necessity of effort in love. They also related to the characters' differing expectations, mirroring their own cohabitation adjustments.
The discussion was helpful and more connecting than a typical movie night, though not transformative. Unexpectedly, they continued talking about the film the next day, even posing the intimate questions from the movie to each other. This led to sharing previously unspoken thoughts, fostering a closer bond. Hamilton noted, "It sounds like it really sparked conversations for you both that you didn’t expect. The shared experience of watching a film can be helpful to have a basis for dialogue, and it becomes a way to open up."
Long-Term Potential and Accessibility
While one session didn't resolve all issues, it provided an evening of genuine connection, surpassing passive binge-watching. Intentionally watching a film together allowed for reflection on heavy topics in a lighter manner. Repeated film therapy could benefit those hesitant to discuss emotions without an aid.
Working with a trained therapist like Hamilton is ideal, but numerous websites offer movie suggestions for various issues, making it accessible. Sanghani and her partner plan to incorporate film therapy regularly, viewing it as the most enjoyable therapy they've experienced. Whether it resolves their issues or simply offers cozy movie nights, it represents a win-win scenario.
