A woman in her 40s has written to an advice columnist, admitting she is struggling to make friends after a divorce and a move to a new area. She is a single mum to one daughter and lives closer to her parents now, but finds it hard to connect with other school mums.
Struggling to connect after divorce and relocation
The woman says her ex-husband is a good parent, but only sees their daughter at weekends. After the divorce, she moved to be nearer her parents, which meant her daughter changed schools. She is still adjusting to the new area.
She notes that all the school mums she has met are married, and she feels they may not think to invite her to social events because she is on her own. People are friendly and make small talk, but it never goes further. She wonders if her own lack of confidence is part of the problem.
Advice: take time and use school connections
The columnist, Coleen, responds that divorce can knock confidence and advises the woman not to feel pressured. She suggests using children as a way to meet people, and that connecting with just one person can lead to more.
She recommends volunteering at the school and being present at pick-up time to see the same people regularly. She also encourages the woman to be the one to suggest things, such as arranging playdates with mums of her daughter's friends and inviting them for coffee.
Stay in touch and be open about feelings
Coleen advises asking other mums for recommendations about the area and getting involved in things she is interested in. She also stresses the importance of staying in touch with old friends, and not hiding feelings of loneliness, as people may not check in if they think she is fine.
Sharing her own experience, Coleen says she relocated several times, including after divorcing her first husband when her boys were young, and it took a couple of years to find her feet. She concludes that with a positive attitude and commitment, the woman will settle in and find her people.
