A study commissioned by the charity Football Beyond Borders (FBB) has found that 74% of boys aged 13 to 18 had wanted to discuss a worry with an adult but did not feel there was anyone around they could talk to. The research, which surveyed 500 boys, suggests that for many teenage boys, hiding their feelings is not a conscious choice.
Fear of Judgment Keeps Boys Silent
Shawn Ogayanson, a 14-year-old pupil at The Magna Carta School in Staines, Surrey, is one of the few willing to explain the issue. “It’s because they think they might get judged,” he says. “They think they might say something wrong and the adult is going to get mad at them. So I feel like it’s kind of hard to be opened up.”
The study found that eight in 10 teenage boys admit to trying to hide how they are feeling, with many believing they are expected to “be strong” and deal with problems on their own. Concerns range from bullying and schoolwork to conflict at home or in peer groups, changes to their body and questions about sex.
Shawn adds: “If I want to talk about something, it might be something rude. Young men should be able to say what’s actually on their minds, but in some cases I’ve been punished for opening up to adults.”
Football as a Bridge to Trust
Shawn’s ability to explain himself may come from his work with FBB, which runs a programme for disadvantaged youngsters. Youth worker Amy Macdonald leads the sessions in school, using football to build trust between pupils and adults.
“Seeing the change within students is huge,” she says. “Shawn’s always been a cheeky chap in front of his friends and he’s a very funny guy, but in our sessions his voice was quite quiet at the start. Now he’s been involved in different things, he has one once a week where he can speak openly to the people he trusts in FBB. And I’ve seen a huge change in him in the classroom.”
The study also found that around four in 10 boys who bottle up their emotions can end up having difficulty learning, with their motivation, confidence and ability to concentrate affected.
Finding Confidence and Role Models
For Shawn, finding his voice in his FBB sessions has left him feeling good about himself and his future. “It teaches us how to be confident, how to open up to people and do things the right way. It teaches you morals and what makes a man today. Like, a man should be able to be respectful, a man should be able to take responsibility for himself.”
Shawn also met one of his heroes as part of the charity’s new YouTube series, The Shape Up, which features young people in candid chats with celebrities in a South London barber shop. In his episode, he meets football legend Ian Wright for a heart-to-heart over a haircut.
“Seeing him face-to-face was like, big,” he admits. “You could actually talk to him, it’s honestly so cool. And I got to hug him as well. I asked some questions, about if he ever thought he would make it this far in his football career. And he gave me some advice, that if I have a goal I should not give up on it. He’s a really caring guy.”
Other videos feature Love Island star Josh Oyinsan and TV presenter Ayo Akinwolere. Amy notes that connecting with teens does not require fame, but rather patience, showing you care and proving you are someone they can trust.
Amy says: “I’ve often had times when young people won’t speak to me, won’t open up for a long time. But when you show them you’re not going anywhere, and you can sit in silence… I’ve done that many times and sat in silence, or just kicked a ball around, or showed interest in what they care about and their passions. Building that relationship is key to them feeling safe.”
More information is available at footballbeyondborders.org, and The Shape Up can be watched online at www.youtube.com/@FBBTV.
