A man in his 20s, who works in a restaurant kitchen, has written to an advice columnist about his strained relationship with his long-term girlfriend, the mother of his baby. He says he works hard to support them but feels nothing is ever good enough for her, as she repeatedly complains about lack of money and calls his job a “dead-end.”
Kicked Out and Back Again
A few weeks ago, she kicked him out of the house, forcing him to stay with a friend. Last week, she called to apologize and ask him to come home, saying she wanted to work things out. He returned because he missed her and his son, but within two days, the same pattern resumed. He says she gives him a hard time but does nothing to help find solutions or return to work herself.
He feels she is pushing him away and refusing to take responsibility, blaming him for everything, including her own problems. He wants to stay and be a good partner and father but finds her behavior very difficult to handle.
Advice: Have a Heartfelt Conversation
The columnist, Coleen, advises him to have a good, heartfelt conversation about what is right for both of them and what is in their son’s best interests. She suggests timing it well, getting input from his girlfriend, and avoiding anger or shouting. If the discussion turns heated, he should remove himself or suggest talking again when both are calm.
Coleen notes that the chaotic environment is not good for any of them and suggests the girlfriend might be experiencing postpartum depression. She advises asking how she is feeling and coping, and points to resources such as pandasfoundation.org.uk and smilegroup.org.uk for information. The girlfriend could also reach out to her GP or health visitor for support.
Seek Support Without Shame
Coleen emphasizes that being new parents is hard, especially when young, and it is okay to reach out to professionals, family, and friends. She says there is no shame in asking for help, calling it a strong thing to do. She advises starting with the grown-up conversation, telling her he is trying and working hard, and asking what they can do together to make things easier at home.
