Parents are being cautioned against “phubbing” their children, as research suggests the habit may cause emotional pain and harm youngsters' mental health.
Phubbing – a portmanteau of phone snubbing – is when someone ignores a partner, friend or child in favour of checking their device. It can mean being distracted by notifications, messages and social media, leaving kids feeling overlooked and unimportant.
While having a quick scroll is unlikely to do much harm, dedicating hours to screens will probably mean you're not being as present as you could be in the real world, and experts have condemned the trend.
Why phubbing is so harmful
Psychologist Mary Alvord, co-author of Conquer Negative Thinking for Teens, emphasised the importance of giving children our full, undivided attention when they need it. She told Very Well Mind: “I think the big question here is... are parents giving undivided attention when their kids need it? Or are they shooing them away more than usual? It happens to everybody sometimes. The key is how much.”
According to Felice Martin, NeuroCoach+ NeuroLeader at Behavioral Health Associates of Georgia, blanking our kids – in favour of our phones, for instance – can have both physical and psychological consequences. She said: “Parents rely on the convenience of smartphones (ie, alarms, book reading, scheduling, news, social connections, etc), thus creating a sense of dependence. In fact, we often hear parents comment that they 'can't go anywhere' without their phone.”
Research has shown that children raised in nurturing, supportive households are far more likely to flourish, including receiving the attention they need from their parents. While it's unrealistic for parents to be fully engaged with their child around the clock, being too engrossed in your phone can isolate your loved ones.
Felice continued: “The pain of being ignored is experienced both somatically (physically) and psychologically. The brain does not distinguish pain, it just tells the body and mind, 'I'm hurt'. Phubbing can make a child feel inadequate, lonely, rejected, and dismissed. Researchers have found that children become anxious or depressed when ignored. He or she may think they are insignificant. When children begin to think this way, they often isolate. They will also overcompensate negatively or positively to get any type of attention.”
How to reduce your screen time
1) Turn off non-essential notifications – notifications can be distracting and make you reach for your phone. However, behaviour research shows removing cues reduces automatic behaviours and “checking loops”.
2) Move tempting apps off your home screen – hide social apps in a folder or delete them altogether. Adding this friction makes impulsive use a lot less likely.
3) Enforce screen-free time – for example, make sure phones are away during mealtimes, the school run and when you're in bed. This works well because habits change more reliably when attached to consistent routines.
4) Keep phones out of bedrooms – sleep research consistently links evening screen use with poorer sleep, so charge your devices away from where you doze off. It will hopefully mean you're less groggy around your children, too!
5) Use Do Not Disturb modes – only allow key contacts during family time. This is helpful as attention research shows interruptions increase task-switching and prolong device use.
