Karen Gray, 53, a photographer from Swindon, has marked six years without alcohol after a battle with drinking she described as her main hobby. She used to drink two bottles of wine every night and plan binges around the days her daughter Sophie was with her father.
Karen said she had struggled to say no to a night out from a young age and would drink until she could not stop. "When I used to drink, I would drink to the point where I couldn’t stop," she said.
A pattern that started in her teens
Her first experience of alcohol came at 16, when she was still at school and attending weekend house parties. At 17 she began going to local pubs and bars. "Every time I went out drinking, I’d get in trouble with the police for just being mouthy and gobby," Karen said. By 19 she had been barred from every pub in her local town, but saw it as "a badge of honour".
Later, Karen became part of the London clubbing scene and took ecstasy every weekend. "I was changing the way I felt because I was uncomfortable in my own skin," she said.
Motherhood and relapse
At 25, while working for the local council, she would drink a bottle or two of wine alone in her flat every night after work. "I would be on a bender from Friday to Sunday, and then I wouldn’t go to work on the Monday. The number of Mondays I had off from that job was unreal," she said.
In 2004, aged 34, Karen became pregnant with Sophie and decided to "sort my life out". She stopped drinking during the pregnancy and for the first three months after Sophie’s birth. In March 2005 she met a friend from her clubbing days and ended up getting "smashed" in the middle of the afternoon. "That was me back to wanting to drink every night. I’d always said to myself that if I had a child, I would stop. That’s when I knew I had a serious problem."
Sophie’s father took on much of the childcare while Karen was drinking. The couple split in 2007, when Sophie was two, because of her drinking. That year Karen checked into rehab for a month, where she learned "that addiction is a disease". She began the 12-step programme but later admitted: "I wanted to do things my way, and I would just pick and choose bits of the programme." After two years of sobriety, she relapsed in 2009. "As soon as I picked up that drink, it was back to square one," she said.
Lockdown and a turning point
When lockdown hit in 2020, Karen’s drinking escalated because of her fears around the pandemic. "As soon as Boris came on the TV at 5pm, I'd crack open a bottle of wine," she said. She would order endless bottles of wine through Deliveroo.
In April 2020 she attempted to take her own life. A friend found her and she was blue-lighted to hospital. While there, Karen experienced what she called an "internal click" and realised she did not want to continue living that way. "I’ve not wanted to pick up a drink since that day. Not once," she said.
She returned to recovery meetings and got a sponsor. "I felt like lockdown was my own private little rehab, because no one was going out and partying, so I didn’t feel like I was missing out on anything," she said. She began the programme on Zoom before moving to in-person meetings when restrictions lifted.
A new chapter
Karen is now six years sober and says she has had a "spiritual awakening". She added: "I feel like a completely different person now; I’m so at peace. My daughter and I have always been best friends, but now I can finally connect with her properly."
In 2024 she was diagnosed with ADHD, which she believes fed into her addiction. "As soon as I started taking the medication, I felt so much calmer, and it got rid of my anxiety. I wish I had been diagnosed when I was younger; things may have been so different," she said.
