After a painful breakup left Louise O'Neill fearing she would be stuck in anger forever, a family hike up Carrauntoohil took a dramatic turn when her mother fell, changing her outlook on life. The incident, which required an air ambulance, made her previous grievances seem insignificant.
A year of personal turmoil
O'Neill's annus horribilis began in January 2023 when a long-term relationship ended, just six months after buying a home together. She was about to turn 38, and her envisioned future of marriage and children collapsed. Subsequent blows included her sister's engagement, being told by a fertility doctor she was not a suitable candidate for egg freezing, and experiencing multiple panic attacks daily.
Her usual solace, writing, abandoned her. In April, she decided to take the rest of the year off to recover, a significant choice as she was self-employed. Despite trying various therapies, including a five-week wellness retreat in Thailand, she still felt resentful and sad.
The climb and the fall
That September, her father turned 63 and wanted the family to climb Carrauntoohil, Ireland's highest mountain. O'Neill, plagued by returning insomnia, reluctantly joined. She ascended through the Devil's Ladder, a steep, rocky gully requiring full concentration. At the summit, they ate sandwiches and took photos before descending.
Near the end, she heard a scream and saw her mother falling, crashing into a stone boulder. O'Neill scrambled to reach her, fearing she was dead. Remarkably, her mother was conscious, with a gash on her forehead and bleeding heavily. They waited hours for a helicopter airlift, some of the worst hours of O'Neill's life, worrying about potential brain bleeds or loss of consciousness. Her mother was eventually taken to hospital, and the family was guided down by Kerry mountain rescue volunteers.
A shift in perspective
In those terrible minutes, O'Neill's previous hurt from the breakup seemed small. A house could be sold; a heart could be mended. What she thought would break her was survivable. All that mattered was that her mother was alive.
That night, looking in the mirror, she knew it was time to let go of the grief, not because it was insignificant, but because she was letting it become the most important part of her story. The day on Carrauntoohil gave her perspective. It didn't fix everything, but she realized she was not ruined; she had been given a chance to begin again. Her book, A Bigger Life, is published by HQ on 24 September.
