Daily Star's agony aunt Jane O'Gorman is on hand every day to tackle readers' issues with straight-talking but sound advice. From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues and drug use, she has helped thousands of readers over the years and continues to do so.
Readers seeking help can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Jane cannot respond to individual letters, and not all problems will be published.
Woman Left £10,000 in Debt After Affair
One reader wrote that she is £10,000 in debt and hates herself. She thought her ex-lover, a married man, genuinely loved her. During their 10-month relationship, they drank cocktails, ate great meals, and stayed in gorgeous hotels. He insisted only the best was good enough for 'his girl'. He encouraged her to take out a credit card and said it would be easiest if she paid all the bills so his wife wouldn't become suspicious, promising to pay her back later in full.
That 'later' never came. He is now back with his wife full time and ignoring her calls. She realised she basically funded their affair, paying for every bottle and hotel stay with her credit card. She spent money on sexy outfits, condoms, and adult toys, and now has a massive bag in her backroom of the tacky stuff they ordered. She has been told she is not the first person he has done this to, and that these '10-month bank raids' are his speciality. His wife knows about his flings and thinks they're funny, as they have an open marriage.
Jane says it's never pleasant when we realise we've been duped, but many people get a kick out of tricking us. She advises learning from this and not allowing oneself to be duped again. She suggests being wary of charmers who seem too good to be true. Jane also asks if the reader needs to consider speaking to a solicitor or the police, though the ex may argue she willingly treated him. If having problems paying back the £10,000, Jane recommends National Debtline (nationaldebtline.org). She concludes that the reader shouldn't allow herself to be brought down by this rogue, and that she is worth more.
Insecurity Over Attractive Boyfriend
Another reader wrote that she is punching above her weight with a boyfriend who is too good for her. She is paranoid by the day and terrified of losing him. Other women shove her out of the way to get to him, and his ex, who looks like a model, called her a troll. Her boyfriend swears he loves and fancies her, but she worries she's not good enough.
Jane says that even if the boyfriend is good looking, that doesn't mean she must be intimidated or grateful. She reminds the reader that she is his equal and he is going out with her because he wants to. The ex-girlfriend may look like a model but has a mouth like a sewer, and she is his ex for a reason. Jane advises not rising to anyone's bait or shouting back, as a loss of dignity is never attractive. She encourages the reader to enjoy every minute together and start believing in her own power, beauty, and brilliance.
Girlfriend's Restlessness and Partner's Control
A third reader asked if his girlfriend could have an undiagnosed mental condition. She gets bored very quickly, picks up and drops mates and hobbies, and has had five jobs in the time he's known her. Now she wants to relocate to the Highlands of Scotland off the back of a film she once saw, obsessed with wild walks and cosy fires. He loves his city life and this is leading to friction.
Jane suggests encouraging her to speak to her GP, as support, talking therapy, and medication could help her manage her lifestyle, especially if she feels anxious and stressed. She advises making it clear that the reader wishes to encourage and aid her, not stick a label on her head. If she craves a completely different experience, maybe this is where they go their separate ways.
Another reader wrote that his partner doesn't trust him to do anything properly, from putting out the bins to loading the dishwasher. She controls all the money, makes all the decisions, and talks to him like an idiot. Jane asks if he can talk to her about how he's feeling. If he can't stand to live like this and the partner isn't capable of change, he must get out. She asks what options he has, such as family or friends, noting that separation is never easy, but there is a world beyond his four walls.
