A married woman in her 40s has ended a close, non-physical relationship with another man who also has a partner. She describes the connection as intense, with strong feelings on both sides, but acknowledges the potential consequences if it continued.
The Dilemma
The woman explains that the relationship never became physical because both were worried about taking the next step. Despite agreeing to stop seeing each other, they still have strong feelings, making it difficult to cut off contact completely. She finds herself thinking about him constantly, likening it to a teenage obsession.
She admits her marriage isn't bad and she loves her husband, but after being together since their mid-20s, she was drawn to the excitement of someone new. She asks for advice on how to move on quickly and get on with her life.
Coleen's Advice
Coleen responds that the other man's arrival has been a wake-up call to pay attention to the marriage, and fortunately, it didn't progress to a sexual affair. She praises the woman for not engaging with him and suggests blocking and deleting his number as the next step.
Coleen acknowledges it will be hard for a while but assures her it will get easier. She urges the woman to examine why her marriage is vulnerable, asking questions like: What has changed? Have they stopped making an effort? Have they grown apart? Are there external pressures?
Moving Forward
Coleen explains that the woman is romanticising the other man because he offers excitement and an escape from what she's not facing. The forbidden nature makes it more enticing. She advises the woman to remind herself of the potential consequences of an affair and commit to fixing what's missing in her marriage.
She concludes by encouraging the woman to put her energy into her marriage to see if she can get back what she's lost.
