The Duke and Duchess of Sussex returning to the UK with their children Prince Archie and Princess Lilibet has highlighted how relocating can bring a significant period of adjustment for the whole family. Archie, seven, and five-year-old Lilibet have reportedly been enrolled at British schools, where they are due to begin in September.
Dr Vica (Victoria) Khromova, consultant child and adolescent psychiatrist at Cygnet Health Care, explained why relocation can affect some children more deeply than others and shared advice for parents on how best to support their children during this period of change.
Signs a child is struggling to adjust
"One of the biggest things that people struggle with after relocating is that they often lose their network, potentially friends or family or both, unless they are relocating to be closer to their family," says Khromova.
"So, one sign to look out for in a child is withdrawal from the family, but also from having a social life. For example, if they were previously quite socially active but suddenly struggle to find friends or struggling to try new things."
How different age groups are affected
Khromova says that younger children often find it easier to adjust. "For younger children, especially those coming up to school age, their lives tend to be centred more around the nuclear family. Therefore, if the entire nuclear family is relocating, it might be less of a struggle for them because the people that matter to them the most are still around them," she says.
However, she explains that peers and external networks tend to become more and more important as children get older. "For teenagers in particular, their peers are really critical," says Khromova. "So, when teenagers relocate, it's potentially harder for them because they're leaving behind much more significant networks than younger children are."
Routine disruption and parental support
"Relocation is often a time when everything is potentially quite chaotic. There's lots of unpacking to do, routines change and children might not be able to start school straight away, which can be really disorientating for them," says Khromova.
Her suggestions for parents include being available, as "one difficulty that children often face during relocation is that parents are sometimes not as available as they once were because they have a lot to do and sort out, which can be quite disorientating, especially for younger children." Having a stable adult in the house who is around to support them can be really important.
"I would recommend trying to establish a bit of a network before moving, if possible," suggests Khromova. "If you know of people who already live in the area, it might be worth re-establishing some of those connections so once your family arrives there's already familiar people around."
"I think it's important to be clear with your children about what's going to happen with school as much as possible," advises Khromova. "For example, will they start school straight away? Will there be a bit of a delay? It's good to make a child aware of these things so they know what to expect."
Acknowledging feelings and building connections
"I think sometimes parents try to be overly enthusiastic and just focus on the positives of the place they've relocated to, without acknowledging how difficult it is to leave, and I think that this acknowledgement is really important," says Khromova. "If your child is voicing any anxiety, sadness or anger around moving I think it's important to acknowledge these feelings and to not dismiss them."
"People move for a reason, so I think explaining that to the child is important," recommends Khromova. "For example, it might be a move for a better job, so you can explain the financial benefits of moving without dismissing how they are feeling."
"Sometimes parents are worried about expressing their own feelings of loss to their children, but I think grieving a loss of place or loss of network together and connecting over that can be really therapeutic," says Khromova. "Approaching them and talking a little bit about your own sadness that you might be experiencing could help them open up."
"If your child has specific interests or hobbies, try to find places in the new area where they can meet other kids who like the same things," recommends Khromova. "If you make new connections and create a network of families that have children within them, that can be a helpful way for your children to meet others of similar ages and form connections."
"Sometimes trying to recreate exactly what was happening somewhere else might not be feasible, so creating a new routine might be a better way forward," suggests Khromova. "Relocation might be a good time to establish new house rules and routines, and if your kids are old enough maybe get them to participate in this."
"As parents we often want to immediately fix things, but sometimes children just need space to process and a bit of breathing room," says Khromova. "Relocating can be very stressful, particularly for adults who have to deal with the endless admin, and it's easy to get swamped by that. But, I think it's really important to carve out some time to have fun as a family during this adjustment process," advises Khromova.
