A man burdened by guilt has written to an agony aunt for advice after conducting a secret fling over the summer, leaving him ashamed and struggling in both his relationship and career. He admits to meeting a woman online, engaging in explicit conversations, and spending money on alcohol and hotel rooms, but the affair fizzled out after they were caught having sex in a pub toilet.
Loss of Confidence and Relationship Strain
The man, who describes himself as having a guilty conscience, says the guilt is eating away at him. He contrasts his current state with a year ago when he was full of energy and performing well at work and in his relationship. Now, he feels he has lost his spark and his girlfriend has labelled him a flop in bed. She has bought a collection of sex toys and uses them in front of him as a form of punishment, leaving him feeling humiliated and useless.
His lack of confidence has also affected his job, where he fears losing his position in the next round of redundancies. He dreads going home, knowing his girlfriend will demand he 'buck up' and make plans, such as booking a holiday, while he wants to hide away. He has not told her about his affair and feels too ashamed to be intimate with her, rejecting her advances and letting her down.
Advice to Confess and Seek Support
In response, agony aunt Jane O'Gorman advises him that hiding is not an option. She urges him to be honest with his girlfriend and tell her the absolute truth about the fling, so she can begin to understand, if not forgive. She also questions whether he understands why he cheated and suggests that if he no longer loves or respects her, he should set her free rather than risk her finding out from a third party.
Jane also recommends honesty at work, suggesting he tell someone he is having a hard time and may need time off. She advises him to speak to his GP if he is struggling to cope and to seek help for his debts from National Debtline. She also suggests calling The Samaritans if he needs someone to talk to.
