A clinical psychologist has described how a patient grieved the death of a singer she had never met, highlighting how one-sided connections with famous people can cause genuine emotional distress.
Writing in a column on mental health, Dr Bianca Denny, a Melbourne-based clinical psychologist, detailed her work with a patient referred to as Jodie. After the recent death of a well-known singer, Jodie struggled to attend work and slept poorly for weeks, describing herself as consumed with thoughts of the singer.
Jodie was experiencing grief related to a parasocial relationship – a phenomenon in which a person feels a one-sided psychological connection with a public figure. Although the connection feels intimate, the object of attention is unaware of the admirer’s existence.
Normal part of modern life
Dr Denny noted that parasocial relationships are a normal part of modern life, with many people engaged in them with actors, sportspeople, musicians or even fictional characters. At best, they offer a brief fantasy of a life beyond one’s own, providing a break from the mundane. But for others, they can lead to emotional over-involvement and boundary-crossing behaviour, fueling distress when a celebrity dies or faces a controversial event.
Dr Denny said she was mindful not to dismiss Jodie’s feelings, despite her own indifference about the singer’s death. Pointing out that they were strangers would likely have damaged their therapeutic rapport and may have entrenched Jodie further in the relationship.
Managing acute distress
Before exploring why the death was so impactful, the therapist worked to manage Jodie’s acute distress. They devised a plan to reduce exposure to information about the singer, using a blocking app to limit social media scrolling and news consumption to 20 minutes per day. Encouraging a walk twice a day and limiting time online helped reduce rumination and improve Jodie’s sleep.
Jodie had listened to the singer’s music heavily during a difficult period in her own life, crediting the lyrics as “saving her”. Giving her time and space to talk about her connection and the hard times she endured helped alleviate her grief.
Building real-life connections
Jodie also detailed other parasocial relationships, speaking about famous people as if they were in her own social circle. Dr Denny said Jodie appeared to lack vitality in her own life and had filled the gap by investing in these relationships, to the detriment of her own. The therapeutic work focused on bolstering real-life relationships, including reconnecting with old friends, trying hobbies, and making new connections through meet-up groups and local events.
For Jodie, parasocial relationships felt safe, with little chance of rejection. While they met some need for affiliation, genuine friendships brought reciprocity that parasocial relationships could not. All clients in the column are fictional amalgams.
