A woman in her 40s, divorced for two years, feels ready to date again but is terrified by the thought of anyone seeing her naked. She says she has no body confidence after nearly 20 years with her ex-husband, during which she had two children, gained and lost weight, acquired stretch marks and cellulite, and had minor surgeries.
She explains that she is confident in other areas of her life, describing herself as fun, sociable, and good at conversation, and says she has always been told she is very pretty. However, she feels insecure about intimacy and has not worn a bikini on the beach in 10 years.
Coleen's Advice: You Are Not Alone
Coleen, the advice columnist, responds that the woman is not alone in this worry, noting that many women who find themselves single after a long relationship feel the same way. She also says she has spoken to many men who share similar feelings.
Coleen acknowledges that coming out of a relationship that has hurt you, especially where trust was an issue, can make putting yourself out there feel very exposing. However, she advises against overthinking when you are ready to take a relationship to the next stage.
Focus on the Moment, Not the Body
Coleen explains that reaching intimacy is rarely a case of deciding to get naked and have sex. Usually, it happens naturally while you are having a good time and start kissing, and in that moment, no one cares what anyone looks like. She shares that she has body hang-ups herself but does not think about them when in the moment.
She suggests taking confidence from the fact that the woman has not given up on life or love after divorce and clearly has much to offer. Coleen says she has grown in confidence since getting divorced in her 50s, but it took time, and advises giving yourself time.
Don't Let Anything Put You Off
Coleen concludes that if falling in love is something the woman wants, she should not let anything put her off. She says, "Take it from me – it makes you feel alive again."
