A woman in her 40s, divorced for two years, says she finally feels ready to date again but is terrified of anyone seeing her naked due to a lack of body confidence.
She was with her ex-husband for nearly 20 years and cannot remember the last time she slept with someone new, adding that she was young and had a great body back then. Over the past two decades, she has had two children, gained and lost weight, acquired stretchmarks and cellulite, and undergone a couple of minor surgeries.
Insecurity around intimacy
While confident in other areas of life – fun, sociable, good chat and often told she is very pretty – she feels very insecure when it comes to intimacy. She has not even worn a bikini on the beach in 10 years.
She says it feels like a big step to get back out there, but she also feels too young to close the door on a romantic relationship, asking for suggestions on how to find a little more belief in herself.
Coleen’s advice: don’t overthink it
Coleen says the reader is not alone, noting it is a big worry for many women who find themselves single after a long relationship, and that she has spoken to many men who feel the same way. She adds that coming out of a relationship that hurt you and where trust was an issue makes it feel very exposing to put yourself out there again.
However, she advises that when ready to take a relationship to the next stage, it is a mistake to overthink it. She points out that it is never a case of “OK, let’s get naked now and have sex” – usually, you are having a great time, you start to kiss and it just happens, and no one cares what anyone looks like.
Take confidence from not giving up
Coleen shares that she has lots of body hang-ups, but in the moment you do not think about those things. If you have been on a few dates with someone and like each other enough to get to that stage, you will know when it feels right.
She encourages the reader to take confidence from the fact she has not given up on life or love post-divorce and clearly has so much to offer, adding she is already ahead of the game. Coleen says she has really grown in confidence since getting divorced in her 50s, but it has taken time, so the reader should give herself time. If falling in love is something she wants for herself, she should not let anything put her off – “it makes you feel alive again”.
Coleen’s words of wisdom: stop returning to the same situations, same people, and same patterns of behaviour expecting a different result. Go in another direction, try something you haven’t tried before and give other people a chance.
