A 40-year-old divorced mother of two is wondering if her two-month relationship with a very fit but boring man is doomed. She is physically attracted to him, but he prioritizes his extensive sporting hobbies and strict diet over spending time with her.
Lifestyle Clash
The woman explains that her partner spends all his time on sports like cycling, running, kitesurfing, and waterskiing. Having left a long-term relationship 18 months ago and having no children, he has plenty of time for these activities. She feels she comes second to his hobbies and that he only fits her in when he can.
She also notes he is very fussy about his diet and does not drink alcohol. His idea of a fun night out is a healthy dinner somewhere local or a movie, which she is 'a bit over'. In contrast, she enjoys a glass of wine and going out for a laugh.
Physical Attraction vs. Compatibility
The reader admits the sex is quite good because she finds him very attractive, but even that has to be scheduled around his hobbies. He will not stay up late if he is cycling or running the next day. She asks the advice columnist if the relationship is doomed to fail.
Coleen responds affirmatively, suggesting that if it is like this in the early stages, it will not improve. She states that sometimes fancying someone is not enough and that the couple appears to have nothing in common. She acknowledges it is difficult to walk away when physical attraction is strong, but notes that over time, looks become familiar and you are left with someone you have zero in common with.
Advice to Move On
Coleen advises that if the reader calls time on the relationship, she will get over it. She shares a personal anecdote about dating a gorgeous man in the past, where intense physical attraction kept her going back longer than she should have. She eventually realised they were not compatible and got over it quickly.
Coleen believes the fact the reader is already questioning the relationship means she knows it is not right. She advises having a discussion about what each person is looking for and telling him he does not have time for her. His response will determine if they are a match.
As a final piece of wisdom, Coleen suggests the reader focus on self-care this weekend instead of checking her phone or scrolling social media. She recommends reading a book, taking a walk, going to a class, baking a cake, or simply resting.
