Steve Sharman, 35, began experiencing severe depression when his daughter Florence was just two weeks old. He had intrusive thoughts about harming her whenever she cried, which led to suicidal thoughts before he was diagnosed with paternal postnatal depression at the end of August 2023.
Steve, an NHS communications officer from Stoke-on-Trent, said: "During the initial two to three weeks after we brought her home from the hospital, I had strong thoughts whenever she would cry."
"It would trigger something inside me like an anger that I had never felt before. I had always had a very positive mental attitude and suddenly I had feelings of wanting to harm her and throw her and drop her in a response to solve her crying."
"I never acted on those feelings - the worst thing I ever did was shout in her face."
Unexpected emotions after birth
Steve had a lot of anxiety about his daughter's health in the lead up to the birth, but he said he was the support for his wife at that point. His later emotions were unexpected and a big shock, as he had always had a very positive history with his mental health.
Florence was born on August 16, 2023, and Steve and his wife, Emily, 34, brought their little girl home. Soon Steve started to struggle with intrusive thoughts. It first started when she would cry, and Steve explained the thoughts would become gradually worse as time went on.
Emily, a nurse, would witness Steve's emotions, but she was very caring and he never had to explicitly tell her what was going on. He said: "Since day one my wife has been unbelievable. We were prepared for her to have postnatal depression because it is so predominant in women. We have been together for 16 years."
"There was no mention of it affecting men and I never knew you could have what I called episodes. I could not put a number on how many times it happened but it was a lot."
"I had this feeling of failure and I would lock myself away, I would ignore any requests from my wife to support her, even if she was having difficulties."
Turning to alcohol and seeking help
The toll of the horrid thoughts led Steve to turn to drinking alcohol, despite not really consuming it prior to this. He said: "I turned to drink and I had thoughts of ending it all. I never acted on these or tried but that was the reality at the time. Things were really difficult."
"No one who came to see us had any idea what was going on because I was masking it all. It got to a point where I thought something needs to happen or, worst case scenario, I am not here, my daughter is not here, or I ended up in prison basically."
Steve went to his GP in September 2023, who referred him to NHS talking therapies and prescribed him antidepressants. He said it was getting to a point where he would act on his intrusive thoughts and he knew something was wrong. He knew he wanted to support his wife further.
Steve said: "The antidepressants helped me to manage my feelings. It took me a year to fully accept what I had been through and accept being on antidepressants. Now I am slowly trying to use my story in a positive way."
"I am now at that stage where I can deal with my emotions. After nine to 12 months of therapy the intrusive thoughts fully went away."
Volunteering to support other dads
Steve has been a part of research studies for postnatal depression in men and has done visits to maternity wards to speak about his experience. Florence, now three, is thriving.
Steve said: "I became a volunteer with charity PANDAS foundation to support other dads who feel the same. I chat with other dads on a monthly online zoom call and I started doing this in July 2026."
"If my story can reach even one other dad who can connect with what I went through, then it is worth it. I want to break that stigma around speaking out and asking for help."
"When I first used PANDAS, it was a realisation that what I was going through was normal and it helped me so much."
