A former RAF serviceman has revealed how severe OCD left him unable to touch his own children. Andrew Stevens, 45, from Inverkeithing in Fife, developed the disorder in 2011 and avoided his wife Claire, 43, and their three sons Craig, 21, Lewis, 19, and Andrew, 15.
His contamination fears meant he could not interact with his kids, and he washed his hands until they bled and avoided parts of his home. At his lowest point, he questioned whether he wanted to continue living.
Life with severe OCD
Speaking during OCD Awareness Week, Andrew told the Record: "I didn't go near the kids. I put them through a lot of heartbreak and trauma. They wouldn't see me for days. I developed a fear that I was going to give them AIDS."
He added: "They missed me but I wanted to hide my craziness from them. I avoided school events and became a recluse. I didn't want to be here anymore. I thought I should've been locked up in an asylum. The only thing that stopped me from taking my own life was the fact I would've had to do it in the house, because I was too scared to leave."
Andrew's condition began over 10 years ago when an ex-employer warned him he might face disciplinary action for taking two sick days in six months. Fearing he would lose his job, he became a "germaphobe" to avoid getting ill.
Rituals and fears
OCD, characterised by unwanted intrusive thoughts and repetitive actions to relieve distress, gradually took over his life. He would drive home from hours away to check the front door was locked, drive in loops to ensure he hadn't run anyone over, and abandon weekly food shops at the till if the cashier coughed.
He said: "People don't see the mental struggles of OCD. It's like being scared of heights and standing on the edge of a building but it's me standing at the sink washing my hands. My heart was racing and I thought I was going to die."
He developed rituals like repeating words to himself an even number of times, and would photograph a tissue on the street in case he caught something from it. He was convinced his family would die.
Finding help
Andrew was diagnosed with OCD in 2018 and turned to the Royal Air Force Benevolent Fund for help. He says the counselling support he received "saved his life".
He now works part-time and volunteers with the Air Cadets, helping train cadets in fieldcraft. He acknowledges the OCD has not disappeared but says he now knows how to manage it before it spirals.
Andrew added: "I'd love to say it goes but it doesn't, you just learn to live with it."
If you're struggling and need to talk, the Samaritans operate a free helpline open 24/7 on 116 123. Alternatively, you can email jo@samaritans.org or visit their site to find your local branch.
