A woman is heartbroken and confused after a man she had a months-long crush on suddenly stopped texting her following two amazing dates. Despite the strong chemistry and deep conversations, his messages gradually petered out, and she hasn't heard from him in days, even though he remains active on social media.
In a letter to agony aunt Coleen Nolan, the reader explained that after months of crushing on the guy, they finally got talking on a night out and later went on a date alone. "The chemistry was definitely there and we spent the night having deep talks and kissing," she wrote. A second date the following week was just as good, and they texted constantly afterwards. Then, without warning, his replies slowed and stopped.
Coleen's take on ghosting
Coleen Nolan responded that it feels like the man is ghosting her, which is horrible and frustrating. However, she noted there's always a chance something has happened that the reader doesn't know about, such as a family emergency or a work issue.
Coleen advised sending one more direct message, such as, "Just checking you're OK because I haven't heard from you in a while." If the response is curt, like "I'm fine," or there's no response at all, then he's clearly not as interested as the reader thought.
Managing expectations after a let-down
Coleen suggested that maybe he enjoyed the dates but isn't looking for anything more, and his mistake was not being honest about it. If it turns out he's not interested, the reader could give him feedback for the future, asking him to be upfront instead of ghosting.
She also pointed out that when you build someone up in your mind, as the reader did by crushing on him for months, they usually don't live up to expectations. "It's impossible for anyone to match up to a romantic idea you've created on your own," she wrote.
Coleen concluded that the reader might have got it wrong about this guy, and it stings, but she shouldn't let it put her off dating. She advised managing expectations in the future to avoid feeling so let down if things don't work out.
