Daily Star agony aunt Jane O'Gorman has responded to readers seeking advice on relationship turmoil and workplace bullying, urging caution and dignity in both cases.
Reader seeks revenge after break-up
A female reader, seething with rage, wrote to Jane explaining she has been dumped, hurt, and humiliated and wants revenge. She described herself as attractive, funny, and popular, and cannot understand why her ex-boyfriend no longer loves her. He has fallen for someone else, whom the reader describes as less attractive and sexy than herself.
The ex claims they connected on a spiritual level and that the new partner understands him in a way the reader never will. He apologised for breaking her heart but swore they did not have sex or kiss until he and the reader split two weeks ago. The reader now suspects they are intimate frequently, which makes her very angry.
The reader is tempted to go to his place, catch them in bed, and pour a bucket of water over their heads. She also considered sticking pins in his condoms or putting chilli powder in his underwear drawer. She still has a key to his place, which he forgot to ask for when he ended the relationship. She spends hours plotting their downfall.
She described the replacement as making Frankenstein's monster look like a class act, calling her loud, overblown, and tacky. They hooked up at a party while she was working away. She now sees them walking arm-in-arm around their small town and is fuming. Mutual friends tell her he is not worth fighting over, but she does not like to be beaten and asks what is wrong with a little retribution between ex-lovers.
Jane advises dignity over revenge
Jane says the reader's pride is wounded, and she feels hurt, lost, and abandoned, but she must let her ex go and move on. The situation is not fair, but Jane notes nothing is. The reader wants answers and explanations, but there are none. The ex is loved up and high on emotion, looking forward.
Jane urges the reader to be strong and not do anything stupid or she will find herself in trouble. She suggests getting a message to him, telling him she still has his spare key and asking what he wants her to do with it, such as posting it through his letter box.
If he truly believes he has found his soul mate, the reader cannot compete or change who she is. She should accept that he is a different person now, on a different path and happy with his new partner. Jane advises concentrating on an exciting next chapter, as continuing to be bitter and angry means they will have won. The idea of revenge being a 'dish best served cold' may seem delicious, but Jane urges her strongly not to go there. She should retain her dignity and accept when she is beaten.
Workplace bullying addressed
A male reader described himself as a regular bloke who likes football, a pint, and researching historic battles. He said a group of female colleagues have started picking on him, calling him a nerd, mocking his ideas and hobbies, and thinking he is odd for not dressing better or going to clubs and festivals.
Jane strongly urges him to stand up for himself and report the harassment to his boss or someone in the HR department, insisting on action. She says he is who he is, does not need to apologise for that, and cannot allow himself to be driven out. She advises keeping a diary of everything that happens with dates and times. Picking on him is not appropriate or remotely funny, and no one has the right to bully or intimidate.
