Daily Star's agony aunt Jane O'Gorman is available every day to help readers tackle their problems with direct and sound advice. From bedroom confessions and self-confidence issues to drug use and more, Jane has supported thousands of readers over the years and continues to do so.
Readers can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP, or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Jane cannot respond to individual letters, and not all problems will be published.
Boyfriend Demands to Know Past
A reader wrote that her boyfriend wants to hear everything about her former lovers or he will dump her. She feels tortured because she is ashamed of many things about her early life, including a chaotic, poverty-stricken childhood with alcoholic parents, being conned out of thousands by an ex-boyfriend, and having a serious booze habit. She also revealed that she used to be a stripper and regularly sold sex when she needed cash, but she says she is a totally different person now and has reinvented herself.
Her boyfriend dislikes that she does not talk about her past lovers or see any family or friends from her old life. He has never met her parents and never will. When they first met, he respected her desire to start afresh, but now he is jealous and possessive. The other night, he ran through his family history and then said, "Now it's your turn." When she refused, he called her 'weird'.
Jane says the reader cannot blame her partner for being puzzled. She explains that he knows no more about her now than on the day they first met, which must be frustrating. Jane suggests opening up if he promises not to quiz her further, or explaining that some things are too painful to discuss. She also recommends considering talking to a health professional, with the GP as a first port of call, and notes that ultimately, the past is the reader's business.
Fear of Resuming Sex After Cancer
Another reader wrote that he is too scared to resume sex with his wife, worrying about his body, performance, and whether she wants him to touch her. Last year, he had an operation for prostate cancer, which was a complete success. He was given Viagra on discharge and can achieve an erection again, but they have not had sex since before he went into hospital. He feels embarrassed and awkward, like a clumsy, inexperienced teenager, despite having three children together.
Jane advises him to find the courage to talk to his wife about his needs and worries, suggesting they spend quality time together, such as booking a celebratory weekend away. She says to be prepared for setbacks but keep persevering, as he is entitled to experience sexual fulfillment. She notes that if the prostate gland and seminal vesicles have been removed, he won't ejaculate but will still enjoy a dry orgasm, and recommends the Prostate Cancer UK website for more information.
House Husband Feels Left Out
A house husband wrote that he gave up his job in 2023 to run the home, cooking and looking after the children, while his partner has a demanding job. He feels she doesn't play fair, as she hides out at work, in the pub, or with friends to avoid the tea/bath/bed routine. She used to come home at 6pm but now blames 'late meetings' for 10pm appearances, often saying she has already eaten, and he can smell drink on her breath. He wonders if she could be having an affair.
Jane says he can't continue to brush the problem under the carpet and must renegotiate the arrangement with his partner. She suggests asking for an adult conversation and telling her he feels let down. She also raises the question of whether her drinking has become a problem, noting that Alcoholics Anonymous (0800 9177 650) can help. As for the affair worry, Jane says she has got to tell him exactly where he stands, as keeping that kind of information from him is out of order.
Girlfriend Humiliates Teenage Children
A final reader wrote that his new girlfriend struggles to be nice to his teenage children, making sarcastic comments and humiliating his 12-year-old daughter by laughing at her collection of teddies and calling her a big baby. When the daughter complained, the girlfriend called her a 'tell-tale'.
Jane says if the girlfriend is this immature and jealous of the children, the reader should have no time for her. She advises putting the children first and finding a woman who isn't as small minded and insecure. She concludes that if he must ask her to be nice, she's already a lost cause, and the children deserve better. She advises explaining to her today that the relationship is not going to work out.
