A Daily Star reader has written to agony aunt Jane O'Gorman seeking advice on how to help a close friend who is in a damaging relationship. The reader describes the man as rude, loathsome, and married, and says he treats the friend with contempt.
The reader recounts an incident where the man kissed another woman in a pub, causing the friend to be humiliated. The friend has repeatedly been brought home in tears, and the reader has lost count of how often this has happened. The man also openly brags about their sexual encounters, including group sex games, which the reader believes the friend only pretends to enjoy.
Reader's Dilemma
The reader has advised the friend to leave the man, but the friend insists she only wants him. The reader says she is the only one in their group still willing to spend time with the friend, as everyone else has drifted away. She fears that if she abandons her friend, the friend will be completely friendless and even more vulnerable.
Jane's Advice
In her response, Jane says there is nothing the reader can do for the friend because she is in the grip of an infatuation. Jane suggests that the friend might agree, in the cold light of day, that the man is a cruel user, but she is lost once she is fired up.
Jane advises the reader to stop wasting time and energy on the drama, noting that the rest of the friends seem to have the right idea. She asks what the reader is getting out of the situation and suggests telling the friend that she has had enough. Jane says the reader can offer the friend a way out, but the friend must decide whether to come along.
Final Thoughts
Jane acknowledges the reader's guilt but stresses that the friend is not actually her responsibility. She reminds the reader that the friend is an adult with a mind and will of her own.
