A new parenting trend known as 'Fafo' (fuck around and find out) is gaining traction on social media, with mothers advocating a tough, no-nonsense approach. Videos showing parents enforcing harsh consequences for misbehaviour have gone viral, sparking debate about whether this teaches children important lessons or simply humiliates them.
One TikTok video by Paige Carter, a mother in Florida, showed her throwing her daughter's iPad out of the window after misbehaviour on the way to school. The video, which has been watched 4.9 million times, was praised by commenters who called it 'top tier parenting'. Another video featured a mother shutting the front door on her young son after he announced he was leaving home, only to let him back in when he screamed to be let in.
Prof Ellie Lee, director of the Centre for Parenting Culture Studies at the University of Kent, says the trend is a backlash against 'gentle parenting', which emerged about 10 years ago as a response to more authoritarian methods. Gentle parenting involves carefully explaining decisions and naming emotions, but has left many parents exhausted. 'You could watch Instagram all day with people taking the mickey out of it,' she says.
Advocates of Fafo argue it teaches children independence and the consequences of their actions, even if those consequences are uncomfortable. Critics, however, say it relies on fear and humiliation, damaging trust. Psychologist Dr Maryhan Munt supports natural consequences, such as not tidying toys and having something broken, but warns against extreme versions where parents say 'if that's what you want to do, just do it'.
Dr Emma Svanberg, author of 'Parenting for Humans', suggests Fafo is a reaction to the pressure of gentle parenting, which can leave parents feeling burned out. 'It gives permission for parents to relax, to bring in natural consequences rather than endless negotiation,' she says. The trend coincides with nostalgia for 1990s parenting styles, which many find familiar and easier to repeat.
