A 35-year-old woman has ended a ten-year relationship with her boyfriend, citing his unpredictable mood swings as the primary reason for the split. Despite feeling relieved, she admits to missing him and fears she might give in to his persistent attempts to reconnect.
The Relationship's Toll on Her Mental Health
The woman described the relationship as "very up and down," dictated by her partner's moods. When he was happy, things were great; when he wasn't, he would sulk for days or disappear on a bender. She felt exhausted, constantly walking on eggshells, and even required antidepressants to cope.
"It became very clear to me that I could get to 40 and still be with him and still be miserable," she wrote to Coleen Nolan, the agony aunt. Although he was attractive, charming, and popular, she realized his friends didn't have to deal with his difficult side.
The Struggle of Letting Go
Despite knowing he is "no good for me" and that leaving was necessary to "save my sanity," she cannot stop missing him. "It would be easy if I hated him, but I don't," she explained. "He was never abusive or aggressive in any way; just self-absorbed, selfish and arrogant sometimes."
He continues to contact her regularly, and she worries that in a weak moment, she might give in and meet him. "What the hell is wrong with me?" she asked.
Coleen's Advice: Nothing Is Wrong With You
Coleen reassured her that missing a long-term partner is normal. "You can't just turn your emotions on and off like a tap. You need proper time on your own to adjust and heal," she wrote. She urged the woman to stop romanticizing the past and instead remind herself of the bad times that led to the breakup.
"How does it feel not to have that daily stress of never knowing what mood you'll find him in?" Coleen asked. "I bet it feels like a weight has been lifted."
Practical Steps Forward
Coleen advised limiting contact until she is in a stronger emotional place. "Of course there were great times, but not enough to commit to spending your life with him. If you did go back, what will have changed? My guess is nothing."
She concluded with encouragement: "You can do it. Keep going."
