Comedian and writer Joe Wells has described himself as a “traitor to Britain” for hating pubs, a feeling he now understands was linked to his autism.
Student life and the struggle with pubs
Wells wrote for Metro about his student flat, which he called a “dive” with stains on the carpet, washing up in the sink and a shower that was only ever freezing or scalding. Despite this, he loved it, having spent the first 18 years of his life living with his parents.
The flat was the “dream house to party in before the pub,” but Wells was “that rare species of Brit who hated the pub.” He explained that he had always been sensitive to noise, and in his late twenties he found out he was autistic, which “finally made everything sense.”
Starting his English degree at the University of Portsmouth, Wells found course mates who were “pretentious nerds” and shared his interests in artsy films and obscure bands. However, they liked going to the pub, which he described as “a crowded space with people who talk over each other, with loud background music and occasional impromptu group singing.”
Pre-drinks as an accessible space
Being autistic, Wells was “so deathly afraid of losing control and saying the wrong thing or acting weird” that he stayed sober for his entire degree. He would delay his friends when they suggested the pub, prolonging the “pre-drink” before the storm.
Wells wrote that “pre-drinks were my accessible, quiet space – not what people picture when they think of accommodations for autistic people but our quiet lounge and a pint glass of store-bought cola was what worked for me.” He would cook oven pizzas or pour new drinks to keep his friends from going to the pub, and once suggested exploring the loft, which “made pre-drinks last for hours and remarkably resulted in no injuries.”
On another occasion, he used an authentic shisha pipe to extend pre-drinks, but accidentally knocked it over and burnt the carpet. “Often the things which can make the world more accessible for autistic people are free and easy to do. This one cost me my entire house deposit,” he said.
Re-evaluating pubs in his 30s
Now in his 30s, Wells said he is “revisiting and re-evaluating many things” he dismissed when young, including pubs. He realised it was not the pubs he hated, but “the noise, sweat and smell coupled with the unpredictability of drunks.”
He now drinks alcohol, having realised he was “no longer afraid of people seeing the real me after a couple of rosés.” Sitting in a quiet country pub with sheep grazing outside, a log fire crackling, and upmarket crisps, he thought to himself: “this is even better than pre-drinks.”
