The grand final of E4's 'Celebs Go Dating' is almost upon us, and it's hard to tell the 'celebrities' from the 'civilians' in this toe-curling dating show. The programme pairs people off the telly with ordinary members of the public in the hope of finding romance, but viewers might struggle to identify any actual stars among the cast.
Among the lonely hearts are Towie's Bobby Norris and James 'Arg' Argent, Made in Chelsea's Georgia 'Toff' Toffolo, Calum Best, Charlotte Dawson, and Frankie Cocozza. These bright young scions of the reality age are not A-listers, but they are certainly visually bright, with spray-tans that look like third-degree burns and smiles that reveal hours spent in cosmetic dentists' chairs.
Each episode sees the celebs visit 'dating experts' Eden Blackman and Nadia Essex, who mull over their romantic performance and help them find a match. The participants are dispatched to a bar teeming with dolled-up youngsters and required to ask someone out. The subsequent dates are often cringe-worthy, with Calum Best battering his dates with compliments and indulging in 'eye-fucking', while Charlotte Dawson instructs her suitors to drop their trousers so she can inspect their bums.
Eden looks like a man defeated, quietly wondering how he came to be advising hard-of-thinking TV types on not sounding as if they're chewing the cud while kissing. Meanwhile, Nadia's passive-aggressive hair-twiddling suggests certain death for candidates who don't heed her advice. 'Two words,' she barks at Arg, 'DON'T DRIBBLE.'
While the participants may not come away with future spouses, they'll at least have picked up some table manners. Given the generally low bar set here, that's a triumph.
